Sinn's Memories: December 2008

没别的只想说对不起
对不起我真的爱你
不管你会怎么想你怎么说
也不会改变我的决定

你知道有时候感情事很难说
很难说爱人或朋友
从前到现在我真的感觉要
一想你我的心就发烧

想给你听我的心跳
想你知道我睡的不好
喝水想着你
搭车想着你
合眼闭眼间出现的全是你

我猜不到你的表情
我等不到你的回应
不想难为你
又不想放弃你
决定告诉你
对不起对不起我爱你

没别的只想说对不起
怎么样我都会珍惜
不管你会怎么讲
你怎么做
也不会影响我的心情

你知道有时候男孩更难捉摸
难捉摸爱人或朋友
现在到永远我真会感觉要
一想你我的心就狂跳

我的模样记不记得牢
情人卡有没有收到
读书想着你
听歌想着你
大地和蓝天
出现的全是你

我才不管你的表情
我才不理你回不回应
不想难为你
又不想放弃你
决定告诉你
对不起对不起我爱你

你听一听我的心跳
你看一看我睡的不好
喝水想着你
搭车想着你
合眼闭眼间出现的全是你
我猜不到你的表情
我等不到你的回应
不想难为你
又不想放弃你
决定告诉你
对不起对不起我爱你

it finally came down to this day.. the last time i'll ever see him until he comes back again.
Wanted very much to tell him, tell him that I like him.. but chickened out at the last moment again..
Hate myself for my lack of confidence and guts..
Told myself alot of times, i'll confess to him by reaching the mting place early, cos he'll surely reach early, but sadly.. a newbie asked me to go back and do some roleplaying with her.. and while walking out, my boss asked me to go into his room for a chit chat session.. as such, even after CJ drove me to suntec, he's already with MH at Ya Kun for about an hr.. no chance of confessing to him.. althou i could have turn down the newbie for the roleplaying session, and told my mgr that I do not have the time to chat with him, i see it as God's act that i wasn't suppose to do this confession..
so when I happily called him that I've reached, he asked me up to Ya Kun to wait for the rest. He showed me all the stuffs that he'll be taking back home and all the stationaries that he've stolen from GE to bring to the States. And when James came, we're like exploring all the stuffs he brought back, and in between, cleared his stack of namecards and he also gave me a stick of Orea Wafer. haha.. When almost most had reached, he asked first, who'll be coming to Suntec next mth... everyone paused and asked him to say what he wanted us to do before committing.. So he said that he wanted to order Lee Hom's latest CD, but as it'll only be released on 31 Dec.. haha.. and he's flying on 29, there's no way he can collect the CD.. so I volunteered to collect for him, since it's very ez for me to walk over to Suntec to help him collect. At least, I got a chance to con't in ctc with him even when he's at the States.
When we finally decided to go to the Soup resturant to eat, since we had 10 pple, we took at huge table such that it's 3 seats facing each other, and 2 seats facing each other.. initially, Mr Sim took one of the corner of the 2 seaters, and since MH was next, she almost took the one at the corner of Mr Sim on the 3 seater side, and luckily she remembered that i wana sit besides Mr Sim, and asked me to sit there.. Unfortunately, by then, Mr Sim had a change of mind and decided to sit all the way at the other end of the other 3 seated, and let Susujie and James take the 2 seater seat.. In the end, thou we were facing each other, we were really far apart and didn't really speak much at all. and that's all about our dinner..
My suggestion for KTV was vetoed since mani doesn't want to sing, so they started saying that to go Rocher for Tau Huey, and we finally decided to walk over to the HK Cha Cang Ting at MS for dessert, since Mr Sim will not be able to enjoy Tau Huey for the next 1yrs +.
As we walked to there, also didn't get to spk much to him.. seems like he wasn't very interested in speaking to me.. =( He just sticked to James and Susujie most of the time.
As we were going down the escalator leading to the cafe, I decided to go to the toilet first.. so when I walked to the cafe, almost everyone were seated with only 2 empty seats.. The table was arranged such that there were 2 tables, 4 seats at each side, with a chair at both corners. When I reached, I only saw the seats opp DQ, who was seated at one of the corner of the side and the chariman seat empty, so naturally I took the one opp DQ. And suddenly, Mr Sim appeared behind me and it seems to me that he wana take the seat opp DQ too.. and since I was a bit faster, he sat at the chairman seat in between us. Quite surprise, cos he left James and Susujie all the way at the other corner of the long table. We decided to leave the orders for him, since he's the one who'll not get to eat all these stuffs at US.
While waiting for the food, he brought out his ipod Touch that his uncle gave him as a farewell present, and we kept playing with it, trying to login to wireless @SG. He keyed in a wrong IC number while registering for his login ID, while I attempted to reset my own p/w via my phone, with BL as out IT guru there. Amazingly, he wasn't able to re register again with the correct IC, and I can't login despite successfully reseting my PW. In the end, he tried loggin on using my ID and pw and managed to get in! In the end, he kept the serviette that I've wrote down my login ID and Pw with so that he can use for the next few days before he flies away. I feel so fortunate.. at least, for the next few days, whenever he tries to logon to the net using my ID, at least, i'll be in his thots for that split second.
Thereafter, while eating, i took out my camera to take photos, cos this time wrong, I DIE DIE also must get an individual shot with him! When I flashed my camera, he automatically leaned towards DQ to take a shot, after that, he made one huge circle around the table while my camera was being passed around to take of him with the rest.. I was so scared he'll forget to take photo with me. Luckily he remembered and told Darren to help us to take.. and we actually took 2! Cos they said the first one looks like he's some fans and I'm an Idol like that, so we took a 2nd one, where this time round, he bent down so much that his face was rite besides me, and DQ said, wow, TZ, your head is so low.. and I naturally turned my head to see, and realised his face was rite besides mine! If I've leaned just 5 cm forward when I turned, I would have ended up kissing his cheeks! haha..
After that, we're just chatting, when we managed to probe into DQ's messy r/s life. Both him and me felt DQ was being unclever in the way she handled the r/s, and we're so agitated that we raised our voices such that the whole table wana hear about what happened. So while she was repeating the story, I decided to go to the toilet again, and he asked me where I was going, so I said toilet, and he said he also wana go. So both of us left the table to walk to the toilet. Since the gents were at B1, just when I stepped out of the loo, he was climbing his way up on the escalator. I gave him a dirty look as I was quite spooked in the toilet since it's quite famous for being huanted.. and he said do I have the feeling that someone/thing is looking at me pee, and I said yah, then while he was walking back to the cafe, i grabbed his arms and say, why not you walk in to take a look and have a feel.. I think he thot i was crazy.. hahaha..
At that time, i was thinking, finally, both of us, alone tog.. could have grabbed the chance to tell him that I like him, or that to stay behind after the rest have left, so that I can make some confessions, but again, I chickened out.. when we walked back, Dq was still telling her story and in between, i kept making bo liao remarks, which i think on hindsight, made him abit turnoff.. =(
oh yah, must always remember this, since we were sitting corner by corner, thruout the entire evening, out legs were touching each other occasionally, and initially, sometimes, i'll move away, but after a while, it just feels so comfy that i'll just let our legs touch all the way.. and also, while we were passing his ipod from his hands to mine, i deliberately let my fingers linger on his hands longer then neccessay.. haha.. i really miss his touch..
Oh.. and one more thing, while the 2 of us were discussing about DQ r/s, he leaned very close to me and whisper alot of things, cos he doesn't want DQ to hear it,. with his lips just right besides my ears.. the feeling is undescribable.. and he mentioned something.. he said, the reason why he doesn't go into a r/s is that he doesn't likes committment... and I was thinking, that's exactly what i was thinking too! I really really really likes him, but at the same time, I'm scared of committment too.. I'm scare, scare that when I confess to him, he'll think that I tell him cos i wanted to start a r/s with him.. which much as I want, I'm also scare of it too.. scare cos it'll alter this friendship with him which I hold so close to my heart.. all i want out of this confession is to let him know that i likes him alot, likes him so much that he's the reason for my happiness daily, that I'm grateful for everything that he've gave me, and most importantly, I'm very scare that during this 1+yr, something might happen to him or me, and I'll lose this chance forever. Or that he'll find someone he likes and gets attached there, w/o knowing that someone here is pinning for him, and who knows, there's always this slightest .00000001 chance that he might have some positive feels towards me, but due to my utmost negative reaction I made, he'll definately have this impression that I take him as a friend only.. I'm really confused.. and sad.. =( just have to bear in mind on the ECP roller coaster incident to keep myself in check.
oh yah.. and close to the end, as I didn't order a drink, i took his and told him that i'm drinking it.. and i can feel he doesn't feels veri comfy abt it, cos after i touched his mug with my lips, i noticed he stopped drinking it already.. kns..

so in conclusion, yup, i think it's all Zi Zuo Duo Qing at my part.

Most importantly.. our photos.. guess some of you are wondering how he looks like.. here's his Lu Shan Zhen Mian Mu... hahaa..

This is the first photo that we took, which some of them feedback that he i'm like an idol and the way we posed looks like his some fansee like that.. so we decided to take the 2nd one..

Here's the 2nd one...

When I reached home and oogling (and salivating) at the photos, I realised that I can add in frames, change the feel of the photos etc.. so here's 2 samples that I made.. haha.. the first one is plain crazy.. the 2nd one.. I'm going develop it and keep it in my wallet... =) haha..