Another Year

today is the 2nd day of CNY.. 2009.. one yr has passed again.. on hindsight, quite a number of life changing events took place.

i went for a double eyelid ops on 28 dec 07.. and spent one wk at home wondering what i'll do with my life after UBS.. about a wk later, received a call from Bee bee that she helped me gotten a post with Mona at the FX team. Thot i'll give corporate life another try and went for it. At there, I was treated like dirt and w/o respect, daily keying in those date entry things were the highlight of my life. No wonder everyone treated me like dirt.. not even comparable to the blangadeshis there.. And thankfully, it was over there that i decided corporate life is not for me. I'm not ambitious enough to want to climb the corporate ladder, nor am i'm interested in buttering up the AD and D so that they can remember me and give me the projs to do etc. Seeing Mona, with 2 daughters and working from 8-9 daily, Jocelyn, working for 10yrs + at UBS, knowing everything and having everyone to her and asking her to HELP them do things just cos they're not as experience as her and not willing to learn, made me realised that no matter what, if I chose to conitnue in the corporate world, i'll end up in either of these 3 situations at 40+.
1) if I chose to kiss asses and butter pple, work damn hard w/o a life, fight for projects so that the pple up there will know who i am, i'll end up like Mona, earning 10k+ monthly, heading a departement with tons of responsibility that I'll never have time for myself and family. 2) If I chose to work hard, but remain low profile, doing what I'm told and being helpful along the way, I'll become Jocelyn, the person whom everyone turns to when they need help. Daily, I'll come in and chk my emails, solve all the problems everyone else is facing, and whenever I've got the time, to do my own duties, otherwise, I'll be da baoing my food and quickly finish my lunch so that I can do my own work while the rest of the world takes their 2 hours lunch, so that once they're back, I can continue saving their world. And finally when they end their day, I'll be chking what they do, trying hard to finish my leftover work. And lastly, 3) I'll end up like Alvin, doing what is expected of me, repeatly, day in and out for the past 20 yrs of my life, such that the plant I planted when I first came into the organisation has blossom into a tree. Arrowing people others to work so that I need not life a finger. When one of my colleagues did something wrong, I'll be the first to print out the mistake, run to Mona and tell her to confront the colleague that something was done wrongly so that I'll look good and the other will look bad.. besides the work that will determine my apprasial report, there's no way i'll help to do and teach. Haha.. but end up, heard he was retrenched some months after I left.
Looking at all these options, just feel that corporate life is not for me. No matter how good i'll appear in front of others, just by telling them that I work in UBS, I know that I'm just procrastinating the problems. No matter which catagory i'll fall under at 40, i desire none of it. That's why, when the ultimate temptation came along when Wei Wei offered me the perm post after knowing that I tendered, I still decided to go finexis.
Remembered a few days before CNY, Greg came to suntec and collected some forms from me. still remembered he mentioned that he went for a number of lo hei already, and i was thinking, yea, that's the life for me.. haha..
finally at March, I left UBS and started a new career path.
I joined BFC on April's Fool, before getting my license. That time, there was only Joel and Larel. Both of them didn't set the perfect eg for me to work. Fortunately, being ignorant, i persisted on.
Remembered the first few FF I did, esp the one which I came back to office and cried. But thank God that I somehow I just know that that was just a pharse and I'll be able to overcome it after i finally break down that wall standing in front of me. At the same time, meeting with Ting Ting made me decided to start attending church. I always know that I will go to church one day. The only thing is, I didn't know when it'll be and who will be the one who'll bring me there. And I thank God that he planned everything for me to walk forward, and lifted me thru, and walked with me to pass the most difficult period of my career.
Remembered when I first decided to join the industry, told myself and mum that I'll try until end of the year, if I can't, if i can't get a decent income, i'll leave and go back to banking. And while looking back at last year during year end, i realised that, hey.. the thot of leaving this industry has not crossed my mind at all. Hahaa.. Initially when I first started, I dread going to the office. I was so scared, scared to do calling, scared to meet pple. scared of so many things. One day, just decided to take away my fear and to aim for a working day daily. and things just turn. From going home daily to face mum asking me when I'll quit to going home and mum asking me how much have I earned today.. the feeling is wonderful. From April, no sales, to May, a few sales, to June, hittin 20K ApI, July went Aussie, Aug 43k API and finally being driven crazy by them to hit 19k API in Sept to grad, I became the first BFCer to GRADUATE and not pass out eversince the mgt adjusted the graduation criteria to 20K. the sad thing is that I didn't managed to grad within 3 mths, and instead took 5 months. And eversince then, Kerlyn had overtaken me and became the first to grad within 3 months. Hiaz.. but then again, I still set the stds for the newbies, and proved to all the pple that what the mgt said is true. It's possible to graduate from BFC. Haha.. and now, all the newbies all view me as a Sheng like that... I'm so happie. Eventhough now, I've slowed down significantly so that I can spend more time with the newbies to motivate and teach them, I'm enjoying it. I guess, it's sth that I love to do. I guess, everyone who's in this industry, or at least at finexis, like the feel good factor of teaching others, of giving, and that's why we're all in here. Of ya, and one more thing. It's thru this career, that I see the good and bad of pple, pple I know, pple I'm close with, and pple I dunno. And I see my the image I've gave them, and their perception of me, and of cos, it reviewed alot of perception that I have of some too. Alot of happiness, alot of disappointment came along my way too. But bottomline is, I guess, I've grew.
And I made so many new friends there. Pple whom has the same vision as me, long term thinkers, pple who dun give themselves excuse when failed. Clever pple. Strategist. Actors. Pple who worked hard, pple who really wana make a difference in others.. many many pple. and the fact that JY approached me the first to find pple to form the committee tells me a lot about how the mgt thinks of me. I am grateful. And I hope that I'll be with finexis for the long haul, becoming a trainer one day. I'll ask to be a BDE or BDM when I hit my 200 clients, and a trainer after hitting 300 clients. Thereafter, my focus will just be on servicing ya? That's the promise I give to myself.

Another significant event would be of cos my new eyes.. Haha.. love my new eyes, sad thing is that they're not quite symmertrical. but it's okay. I think my confidence level has increased sharply. And haha.. i guess, i become more attractive? At least, it prompted CJ to treat me extremely well for the past few months. Haha.. Has it caused Mr Sim to see me in another light? I've got no idea..

Of cos, there's the Aussie trip. The best trip i ever had, despite it burning a huge hole in my wallet. the fun, the laughter, the joy, with all the worries leaving me. That was good. Sadly too, had to face reality when we came back. Hiaz..
And finally, Mr Sim. my Mr Sim infatuation index went to it's max when he was about to leave. The farewell outing prior to the final farewell outing had left me confused. Is there more to bring friends between the both of us? I've always like him, knowin that it's not vice versa. But sometimes, always have a feeling that there can be more. Many things left unexplained, and the 11.07pm call he made to me before he left. I wondered what he wanted to tell me. At the same time, I wondered how God wana me to read this plan he made for me. But at the very least, besides MH, I finally told Darren how I felt about Mr Sim too..eventhou Darren didn't help me, at least, I think, it's still a step forward. And that day, him asking me to go NY to find him. mebbe he tells everyone that bah. I dunno..

Looking forward, for my 2009.. somehow innately, i just know that the first half of the yr, I'll be just a medicore while after having a huge row with someone who has some expectations of me, I'll work hard and triumph. I'm just wondering now.. who's the person i'll have a row with. Always thot it should be Greg since he's my imm boss, but now, am wondering if it'll be Garry, JY, CJ or Derrick. Since I work most closely with them. we shall know in May, or June.. Haha..

Careerwise
Aiming for 70% of MDRT by June, that means, have to work my ass off again. And I'll still be going to either Jap or Korea in March/April period.. haha.. I wonder.. Anniway, it's MDRT by end of this year. I wonder if i'll be able to achieve it.
I will.
Aiming to double my clientale base too. Aiming for 150 clients. Need to focus on servicing too.. Need to clear my datebase and clientale list so that I can send BD cards and pressie to them. Need to rotate having lunch with them as well. Need to set up a system for that. Have to work hard enoff to form a motivation for the rest to follow. That's my biggest motivation.
Guess I've achieved 70 clients already, I think. Need to work harder.

Family wise
Bringing my mum to Cherry Blossoms viewing. Korea or Japan, it's up to her. no matter what. She's facing alot of difficulties walking already. I must bring here to watch before her conditions worsens. Hoep she chose Korea cos currently, I'm quite broke, and secondly, it's always my dream to sponsor the entire family to japan to view Cherry blossoms. So hopefully, after this year, I'll accumulate enoff ST savings to fund this trip.
And of cos, since now i'm on neutral terms with both my sis and bro, i do hope that I can help them to bring them to speaking terms with each other. By the end of this year. Hope that there will be no quarrels between the both of them for the coming year.
Most importantly, sure hope that my sis and her current bf will stabalise, ROM by this year.. Hahaa..Then it's a load of my mind, and mum will be happie.

Myself
Love? I wonder. Sometimes I seriously think that I'll be alone for this lifetime. I'm superly underconfidence in BGR. I always wonder, how will Mr Sim think of my family? With his cynical and rich upper class thinking, how can he accept my family? My mum always have such high expectations of my sis's bf. Always want them to buy alot of things for her to give her face. There's no way Mr Sim will do that perpetually lor. And since it's me who likes him, there's no way things will work out. I guess. But sometimes, I keep asking myself, if I never try, I'll never know. Other pple? Haha.. Recently Cj flirted stongly with me. Thanks to him, my confidence grew by abit. Eventhou thou most pple, including me, would find CJ attrative in terms of look, a soon to be married man, plus an unloyal partner, is NOT attractive to me at all. So I wun get emboiled in anything heart wrenching at all.. Haha...I'm always attracted to Brainy pple.. hope one day, someone like Mr Sim but with more humble background will comes along my way. Of cos.. if I really achieve my goals.. reach MDRT earlier.. hehee.. i shall be flying to NY and spend time with him.. if i'm there.. haha.. guess shall be telling him my feel for him..
My Body.. health.. have been feeling some random heart tighnes for the past coupa of months. Need to go for a medical checkup. a full type. Shall do so once my latest policy incepts.
I NEED TO LOST WEIGHT SERIOUSLY. My wt have blossoms to 65KG!?!?!? OMG!??! but why is it in terms of physical look, there's not much change at all?!?!? ARGH!! Anniway, since i decided not to sign up for the gym package luckily, need to find someway to incorporate exercise into my life. and to cut down on my eating. hiaz.. need to monitor my wt regularly. I also wana pick up my YOGA and DANCING back. ARGH.. have to settle these when I get my engine on track for my career. Aiming for second half of the yr.
Looks. Thankfully my acne problems have more or less die down due to natural aging process. Need to focus on lifting the soon to be sagging skin and growing my hair=) wana experience Chang Fa Pi Jian the feeling.. hahaa..
Intellectually
Pick up my books to study for the ChFC.. that's my dream.. getting a pro cert.. Hahaa..

Hope my appriasal for myself next year will see me achieveing all these stuffs.. haa..