God really loves me very much

When I decided to join this career..
I told myself, I wana get my CFP by 30.. I achieved it..
I told myself, I wana sponsor a child by 30.. I achieved it..
I told myself, I wana walk into a person house, and the parents will bring out their polices and ask me on my opinions on them, and help them with their insurance planning.. I achieved it.
I told myself, I wana join the company as a staff and to immerse myself into financial planning know how.. I achieved it, and realized I'm not suitable for it..
I told myself, I want to help as many pple as possible, cos it's hard on the family members if one doesn't properly plan for their finances.. I achieved it..
For many years, I've been telling myself, I need to slim down.. I finally achieved it.. Even my closest friends are telling me I look the best at my current stage.. I achieved it..
For many years, my entire family has been in a mess because of my grandma, and we finally receive the peace we've been yearning for so long this year..
For the past 4 years of my life, I've been thinking, breathing, liking Mr Sim in secret, wanting to know if the feeling is mutual, but had never dare to let him know about my feelings towards him, and this year, I finally achieved it..
For my entire life, I've only like or idolise pple, and never know what it's like to be with an equal, someone whom I'm attracted to not because of his intellect or physical appearance, but simply because I feel comfortable with being myself when i'm with this person, and always wonder if I'll ever meet such a person, And this year, I achieve it too..

但是，现在的我真的好不开心，因为找不到我要往哪走。 已经徘徊了一年，但还是没有找到答案。 已经荒废了一年。 天天都在问自己，我到底在做什么，我到底要的是什么？我找不到答案。 一直以来，都是为了别人而活，都是为了不能对不起别人对我的期望而努力的去平播。在现阶段的我，没办法往前走，因为我不知道要往哪走，因为我不知道要为谁走，因为我满足于现状，因为我害怕人们的眼光。