When the going get tuff..

it's been a long time since i last wrote here..
happier? mebbe.. but rite now, my emo is just like the weather outside.. heavy rain..
realli sianz.. does the problem lies with mi? or izzit that they're realli hard to get along? y issit that i can't be close to my family members?
y issit that i'm always the one to be scold? to make sacrifices? to be the one giving
to be the one always in the wrong?
I had thot, for this yr resolution, to forge closer ties with my sis n bro..
sadly.. it seems to be going the opposite direction instead.
shi wo chou ma?
cos i'm hankering after her $?
but i feel that it's myself who's helping u to earn the $. i feel it's a waste to put the $ there w/o earning annithing. i help u invest, n onli get 10%.. izzit my fault?
u go overseas, u ask mi what i want.. so i said what i want lah
it's not as if die die wana u to buy it for mi..
all i wanted to was to make conversation.
all i wanted is just some fun conversation. n i got scolded again. i'm not obliged to buy annithing for u.. of cos u're not obliged. do u have to retort so fiercely?
izzit because that i was too ncie last year? izzit that i must revert back to my fierce self so that u'll be scare of me that you will dun dare to scold mi? izzit that no quarrel or hurting words will arise if we stop talking to each other?
and than, after that, everything will become my fault again. cos i refused to speak, refused to reply, ignore her existence completely. i'm tired. everytime i open my shell, i got hurt. n i'm scolded for not opening my shell. for being proud. for being arrogent. izzit my fault that i'm not a bad tempered person? izzit my fault for not scolding u as n when i'm please? izzit my fault that i just keep quiet whenever i see u doing something that i dun like?
i can't even ask u to be verbally nicer to me. cos u dun care. so mani times that i've asked you to not scold me. so mani times that i've shamelessly ask u to apologise to me for hurting me. it always end with a I don't care. why are you still thinking abt something that happened so long ago? why r u so petty?
y? you ask mi? cos i'm always the one being hurt. cos i'm always the party who's being verbally abused, not you. will you still remember when you scold someone? no rite. But will you remember when someone scold you? of cos. n i'm the one who'e always being scold by you. I'm realli realli veri tired.
undeniably, i know u r a good sister. u take veri good care of us, and is good to us. that's y i hate it more. does it means that cos of the sacrifices u had done for us, means that i need to bear with your verbal assult and ever changing and bad temper for the rest of my life? if so, just take my life. how i wish i can save up a sum of $ n throw it back at you and cut you OFF, COMPLETELY AWAY from my life.
do u know how tired i am? i can't speak the truth in front of u, i can't be honest. i must and can only say how good u look, make suggestion of what to do. If i dare to say annithing teeny enny -ve thing abt u. i get a scolding. if u can't say anithing good, might as well dun say. i'm just tired. if we can't be honest in what we're saying, y bother saying annithing?
u're my sister, in no way would i want to jib at annithing inperfect abt u. of cos i like to compete with u. in terms of annithing. but whatever i've said, highlight abt ur inperfectness, were either made in jest, like teasing; otherwise, in a +ve tone, always meant to highlight the issue to u so that improvements can be made. but y, y issit that i'm always scold just cos i'm honest?
i've already learnt, learn not to dwell on those stuffs already. learnt to keep quite even when i see sth bad abt u. rather u to let u live in ur -ve things than bring them up. learnt how to speak selectively, onli talking abt the good things i can see.
yet, just one simple sentence, and i'm scold again.
i'm tired of being scolded again. tired of this, tired of that. tired of life. frankly speaking, to be perfectly honest, if there's ever a next life, i'll pray with all my might that our path will never cross again.

I rec Jon's Album from Jill today!!!!

Jon, finally managed to get my hands on ur first album.. i was so so so excited when i saw it! annione who stumbled onto my blog must get it!! it's made with sincerity, honesty and of cos, jon's heart n passion for good music. http://jplewismusic.com/main/main_merch_music.htm or from http://www.amazon.com/Stories-Hollywood-Jon-Peter-Lewis/dp/B000JUB39I/ref=pd_rhf_p_2/002-3396873-1413614.

Besides using you for my admin purposes.. guess i must learn how to blog down what i wana say too.
a year has passed again. i always hate the yr of dog.. nothing good ever came out of it. 24 yrs ago.. i was born, 12 yrs ago, my dad was taken away, this yr, i made a humoungous mistake by changing mr job. i think i must be stupid. i thot by changing.. i will learn more, n become more motivated to work, learn more things n value add myself. i really thot so.. but nvr did i realise i end up doing something i dislike w/o getting any incentives. at least in the past, i enjoy what i was doing, abide having a low work status, the incentive was more than enough to cover what i like.. i realli regret what i chose.. at least i enjoyed good pay + shift allowances.. n the weekday off to bring mummy out.. now.. i dun have anni.. stupid mi. i hate it hate it hate it..

what i normally say.. anything that had happen has happened.. if u do not like where u r now.. have to look for solutions.. either by going back to status quo.. or to change it..
so looking into ways to change it.. but dunno how long i'll procrastinate.. hatemyself..

http://www5.messengerfx.com/

speedwing@gasi.com.sg
attn to jason

http://www.efinancialcareers.sg/

//tripoli.e-messenger.net

I've cried again.. despite today's being Jon's Birthday.
I hate this place. I hate this job. I hate what I'm doing. I hate myself for making this move. I hate David Toh and Rozlee for making me leave. I hate Tony Lim and Jessie Tan for lying to me. I hate Jessie Tan for not allowing me to go for the dealer position and encouraged me to try for the shit CED position. I hate myself for not being strong enough and succumbe to the idiotic thots of leaving, and thot that it was cool to let pple envy me for that damn few days. I hate myself for being so stupid. I hate myself. I want to screw this place as much as possible. I want to burn this whole place with fire. I hate it. I hate it. I hate this place. Dammit dammit dammit. I hope all of u die n vanish from the face of the world. i hate it. i hate it. damn u. go to hell.

http://mob.ebuddy.com

i need it.. hiaz..

things to do

buy stamps for jon's card n to write card
to write yl photos
key in mum $
send photos to rest to share on shutterfly
send sis insurance.

i dunno

作者：Sinn

Am i just feeling down, or what i'm thinking is true.
Will this friendship last?
or am i just too stress
life is darn short, so play darn hard, that's all the others say.
but i can't seem to understand it, from all the actions that i done.
i used to be one where nothing can bother mi, but all i care about now is moi own feelings.
have i grow selfish, or is it part of growing up?
can someone tell me, or have i to find out?



創作心情:
i dunno, all of a sudden, feel that i'm very lonel

一厢情愿

作者：Sinn

若不是因为我已爱上你,
我也不会为你上山下海底.
若不是因为我已付出情,
我早已经成为别人家的老婆婆.

我的生命是属于你的,
虽然我们已经活过半个世纪.
我依然还是爱这你,我因你欢,也因你悲,
就算是我一厢情愿.

我的梦想是与你,一生一世永不分离,
你不必爱回我,你只要开开心心,平平安安,
我就能开心到老

創作心情:'
dunno if i sent this in or not eventually, but it was to take part in Ah Niu xie ge competition for Hua De Yu.. he onli written the Hokkien version, n wanted someone to come out with the Chinese lyrics.. in the end, seems like no one won.. cos the chinese version wasn't recorded at all..

Xiang~

Maybe it was you, who took away my breath.
Maybe it was me, who took a peek at you.
Maybe it was fate, that i should fall for you.
But it is only love, that create this miracle.

how should i go on,if i can't love you?
why should i say byebye. just cos' u like someone else?

(rap)*i wrote this song for you, especially to let you know,
beneath somewhere out there, there's a someone call me.
I'm a girl of nineties, or maybe millenium, so i won't be brashful, in expressing my feelings for you.*shalalalalalalaa>

創作心情:
Product of JC crush.. written for yixiang

干净歌

作者：Sinn

1 是否曾经爱过我,
是否曾经疼我,
是否彼此都太沉默,
认感情都太过火,

2 是否真得爱我,
是否真得疼我，
是否哭泣后才懂,
我曾经爱错过,

3 爱过以后才懂,
懂过以后会痛，
痛你不曾爱过我,
痛我太用心.

repeat 1 and 2

是否哭后才懂,
我真的爱错了.....

創作心情:This is the first song i wrote n loves it the most.. somehow.. just started hmming this tune n lyrics just pop up by itself when i was having lesson one day in school.. n realised that this tune was in my mind thereafter.. n started hmming it on bus.. so decided to pen it down one day..

作者：Sinn
Time has pass, time has flies, time has gone.
Time had made both of us a big fool.
When you were here i don't cherish, and now i regret it.
All i ask for now (all i ask for now), is to hold you close.

And when i think of you, all my tears will start to flow. I
close my eyes, i breathe my air, but i can't stop the pain.
Will you come back please? Maybe after the end of time.
The world is full of miracles, but it can't bring you back to me..

創作心情:Try singing it with Jacky's Cheung Dang Wo Xiang Qi Ni.. sang it to Benny who was so impressed that time.. haha

HIM

作者：Sinn

You are here, u never realised,
I've been through all these heartache.

Loving someone is as good as dead,
when that someone, don't love you back.

How could i forget the way, how he plants those kisses right on my face.
I had tried forgetting him, but it was in vain, right from the beginning.

I'm so sorry, i can't accept your love, cos he is, still inside my heart.
I'm so sorry, i don't deserve your love, cause my heart, is still by his side.
I've been through all these pain, so forget me please, it will all be in vain.

Dun let this cycle repeat again. Forget me please, i beg you once again.
Just let me be alone, n think of him..............him, and him alone........

Colours of Your Eyes

作者：Sinn

Blue is the color of the sea, is the colour of your eyes, occasionally.
Green, the color of grass, as I walk along a park, see the colors of your eyes again.
Grey, a mixture of white and black, mysterious and bright, which is who you are?
Blue is the color of the sky, when i hold my head up high, see the color of your eyes again. Kermit! it's not easy being green, yet your eyes turn green, effortlessly.
Grey, as sky starts to dusk, watching dimming seas grow dark, drowning myself inside your eyes...

作心情:
This song is written for Jon.. http://www.jplewismusic.com
he's the person who changed my life..

作者：Sinn

This is just a song, a song from me to you.
I am just a girl, a girl hurt by you.
My purpose of this song, this very very sad song,is to tell you how much I've been hurt by you.

If you don't love me, you shouldn't have chase me.
And now that you got me, you don't cherish me.
When the phone starts ringing, when you said that you'll acompany, I would burst with happiness, with love, with joy.

When the call wasn't from you, i told myself it's ok.
I was even willing to wait, a thing you always made me do.
But why did you break our date? An action which broke my heart.
From hope to disappointment and to tears.

I wanted to run away, but because of a promise.
A promise which I said that I will never leave you.
So pls don't worry, i'll never leave you, but a sad soul is all you get, from these things done by you

創作心情:wau laioz.. looking back at this song.. hiaz.. best.. that was so so mani years ago liao.. crazy..

FoR CerIna~

There's many type of friends, and you belongs to one
With you the friendship won't end, we'll be friends forever
Quarrel may come, but it never last
Disagreement may tore us apart sometime, but we'll be friends forever

缘份帮我们成为好友, 一定要好好珍惜他.
现在你是我最要好的朋友, 我希望未来还是.
偶尔会吵吵架,闹闹别扭,但我们一起克服他.
分享所有快乐和悲伤, 那就是我们要做的, 那就是我们要做的

創作心情:

Wrote this songs for my best friend when we're 18.. hopefully, may all the lyrics come true for the rest of our lives.. rocky rocks have came, n we're almost thrown overboard.. we really clinged on n try our best to push each other back into this boat. thou the boat maybe broken now, hope that our efforts in mending this boat will help to let it sustain us for whatever which lies ahead.