Mid Year Review!

Very grateful that I'm born rite in the middle of the year.. thus a mid year review implies the start of another age for me again..
Come 2 more weeks, i'll be turning 29.. the last birthday where i can use only 2 big candles on the cake le.. this time round, i'm gonna have a cake with 29 candles on it! So that i'll can have 29 wishes.. one for each year until i hit 58.. hahahaa..

i still rememember when i was about to turn 18.. i was at OLP chatting with Kenny and Sun Maoting.. was asking Sun Maoting, how he feels about turning 20.. and i guess his reply was, not much feelings?
I remembered that i dreaded turning 18 then.. i felt that i was so old.. and really, in a blink of the eye.. i'm turning 29 already..
Remembered that time, went with my SACYS to Far East and purchased that Ms Sixties jeans.. and remembered i declared that each year, i'll go back to that shop and purchase a size smaller than the previosu year jean.. and unfortunately, that didn't materialize at all.

Wasted 10 years of my life i guess.. looking back, i wish i had done alot of things differently.. for eg, to not be that close up during uni so that i had more friends then, to learn to take care of my looks and become more presentable then. To enter accounting so that i can become an auditor instead. To have an idea where i wana go after graduation. To know how to manage finances much earlier in my life so that i'm rich enoff to purchase the dream condo that my mum yearn greatly.

Looking forward, i definately doesn't want to waste my next 10 years.. i really wana see myself, patting myself on my back when i turn 39 that i've led a good life. a life that i can look back and be proud of myself, a life filled with integrity and happiness.

So what's my plan then?
realised that sometimes, i'm too forward looking, i've got the goal in place, w/o any tactical strategy, which often results me getting lost after sometimes. i tend to be greedy and aspire to achieve many things at one time.. so from onwards, i'm gonna break down the goals in biteable size so that i can achieve them step by step. Just like the quote i see at Tanjong Pagar MRT station- "the trick to success is to never, ever give up". So lemme set what i wana achieve, and the actions i'll be taking to achieve them with the deadline in place to keep me in check.

My goal for this year is very simple..
1) To become prettier!
2) Family & Friends happiness
3) Systemize up my business
4) Defining who I am.. Spiritually, financially, mentally and personally

My Physical self- To become prettier!
1) I wana to sleep earlier daily. lights out by 12mn at least 4 times per week. No phone on the bed.
To wake up by 8.30am daily

2) Get a good eye cream after i finish this bioessence one.. it's not working for my eyes currently.. the dark circles, milli seeds and lines are showing already. I want to start this latest by september, so that when i look at myself at next year birthday, my eyes will not look that tired!

3) Going for Gym and a class at least one / week. Starting from the week of my birthday, to at least go for one gym session and one yoga class every week. otw i will be wasting my money.

4) complete my dose of TRA. It's gonna expire by july and august.. omg.. it's a 3 mths session? why are there still so many pills? Can I con't to take it on a daily basis with the correct dosage? i'm aiming for 58kg by my birthday.. i wana hit that very much. to give myself the best birthday pressie!

5) okay.. gonna pick back my beauty regimn again..
Hair:
Quaterly treatment at pharse - next session is gonna be in august. - Apr, Aug, Dec- budget of $200/ session.
Meanwhile i'm gonna stick with weekly conditioning, and using the beauty credit serum.

Face:
monthly Facial at Lee Wah- budget $80/session
Peppermint pore mask followed by tissue mask every other night.
Sleeping mask every 3 nites.

Eyelashes:
Eyelashes enhancing serum twice per day

Teeth:
Crest at least once per month
To remove my wisdom tooth by end of this month. that shall be my last wisdom tooth and to stop the misalign of my teeth. need to call and fix an appt by this coming week ya?

Nails:
Apply my fungus cream every day

Skin:
my weekly scrub on sunday followed by lotion
moisturizer for my feet every nite!

Inner self/health:
Collagen every sunday nite!
glocosamine every nite
To do my full body checkup in march 2012

1) Family & Friends

Mum:
1) Her Legs- she say that she wana go for the knee replacement operation. I need to bring her to the polyclinic so that she can be referred to the hospital for the checkup to see if she's suitable for this ops.
I'll bring her to the polyclinic by 15 Jun.
I'll call NTUC to chk if she's covered for this ops by 15 Jun

2) Time with her
I'll bring her out every alternate friday. anyplace she wana go. eating, massaging, shopping etc.. groupon is a good place for me to get cheap deals to bring her around

3) Moving house
guess we realy gotta move. What mum said is rite.. it's good for everyone to have a room of our own. If mum shares the new place with brother, where can sis lives when brother gets married? however, at that point of time, sis can buy over the place should brother gets married. i gotta find a place that's affordable and can accomodate all of us..
To look for a few property agents to help me look out for flats and condos at hougang, sengkang areas.
I need to also pay attention to HDB new housing launches too..

4) siblings
brother- finish financial planning for him by end of july.
sis- bring her to do hair with me, return the $80 that i owe her for her hair and talk to her.

5)Friends..
I think i'm really fortunate that there are so many pple who take me as their close friends.
I wana pick up my letter writing project again.. wau.. been procrastinating it for so so so so many years already.. omg.. i will dedicate a day per month after my CFP for all these admin things.

6)My little boy.. it's so sad that I can't even remember his name.. but i'm glad! finally finally fulfiled my dream of paying it forward to help someone change his life. but i will keep this close to my heart, and to always remember that shi bi shou gen you fu..


Career
streamline, streamline, streamline.. i kept talking about streamlining it.. but i've got no idea on how i can do so?
the vast number of pple scares me..
will i be able to complete my contact list if i spend 3 full days doing so?

1) Getting my CFP!!
Assuming that i'll pass my papers this july.. I'll finally fulfil this dream of getting my CFP before 30 years old!
So proud of myself..

2)Creating my own FNA report!
I've got so many ideas in my head, but i do not know how to put them in paper format so that it's standardise. I'll start this after the CFP paper as well.

3) Systemize my biz model!
Apparently, it's very obvious that there's no way i can work the same way as per when i just enter this industry. It's really tuff to have 8 appts daily... cos most of my appts don't fly already.
Thus, i'm resetting it already.. lemme work towards having 10 appts weekly.. that's all.. and if possible to squeeze them from monday-thursday.. so that fri-sun is for family and friends. To achieve 10k API monthly instead..

i) to go for my wisdom tooth operation on 20th
ii) taking a break from 20-24 this month
iii) Merge my contact list together so that it can sync with my iphone
iv) Create another contact list on excel spreadsheet so that i have a clear view of the plans that my client has. transfer these details from the production list
create proper follow up list for mine and andrew's client. -- I need to have an idea how many clients i actually have!
v) Start my motor insurance project
vi) Finish my testimonial handbooks - as a mkting material, quality referrals getting tools and sourcing genuine feedback from clients.
v) return back to office on 27 and to continue to contact all these groups of pple.
vi) My prospect and pending list.. I should be glad that i've got this good problem.. too any pple to call.. but for some reason, i dunno why, i just can't get started on calling them! after closing the cases on hand, i'm gonna to just focus on this group of pending list, client list and referral list.
My aim is to get 65% banding, have 4k monthly income.. that's all.. nothing too faciful cos i prefer to focus on living my life, and enjoying my job!


Defining who I am and what i wana do

i want to see a happie, cheerful, a person with integrity, honesty and fairness in her doing. A person who's focused and serious with her work, and a person who's playful and naughty with her friends. a person who's brutally honest with herself and others, and have to courage to face and overcome what scares her.
A person who's the best daughter, siblings, friends, FC, colleagues accordingly to the pple she loves. A person who makes other pple envy her mum, siblings, friends, clients and colleagues for having her in their life. A person who will makes pple cry and luff during her funeral. A person who's forward looking and has her life planned out already. A person who's financially independent by 30.

Spiritually
without doubts, and always will be. I know God loves me, and chose me to love. I strongly believe that my current position as a non chuch goer, a not 100% believer in every practices is also determine by him. I also believe that He's the one who will determine when I will change this mentality. As of now.. All i just want is to finish the one year bible plan. to start attending church.. I want to attend FCBC at least once by end of this month.. I gotta find the time! all my weekends are already full! OMG.. if all else fails, gonna go back to wesley.. i actually like the serenity there thou it's really quite oldish there.. whatever will happens, i know that my god has planned it all out for me.. and i love him for loving me so much...

Mentally
Completing my CFP! I'm so excited! and gonna make the name chop with my CFP title! who cares abt MDRT? Haa.. even if, in the event that i actually garnered 110k comm for this year, i'm not gonna apply for it anymore.

i wana continue to read more.. Not only in terms of finance, but in terms of self improvement, to learn how to become a better person. just like the Wu Dan Ru book that i just finished.. i wana become a person with more depth.

Financially
Short Term
I'm gonna stay broke for quite a while.. lent out so much $ to so many pple this year.. read this saying before- expect no return when you lend ur money out.. well, anniway, the money is worth paying to see how this person is like.. so lemme see what will comes out from this.
but with this action.. my ST savings and EF is really really low.. gotta have only one focus for my finance this year-- to build up a cash savings of $25k- $10k for ST and current usage, $15k as my emergency fund. I'm $20k away from this goal.. help!
anniway, by the end of this year.. to achieve this even if it means eating bread.. gotta go back to my thrifty days!
N i gotta set aside $4k to bring my mum for the autumn trip.. Hope i'll get back the borrowed money by then..
Oh yah.. sticking with giving up the cubicle by sept.. actually, i'm clsoe to being able to do it already.. lemme finish the client list and motor insurance project first.. den i'll definately look into it..

Mid Term
There's nothing much that i wana purchase in the next 2 years.. gonna stick with the original plan of starting a ifast of $300 monthly of my 30th birthday. this shall fund for my flat when i turns 35.
by 35, i guess i should be in the process of selling of spottiswoode 18.. so there should be a decent lump sum to pay for the flat. anniway, for this flat, if it's gonna cost me about $400,000, the downpayment with reno and furnishing should set me back by $100k.. so if i'm able to get back at least $50k from spottiswoode 18, i'll just need to have savings in cash for about $50k.. wich makes it about MT savings of $800 monthly.. still owe myself $500 monthly from 30 yrs old onwards.

Long term:
it's gonna stay status quo currently..
with only about 1/3 by 30 years old..
if i'm gonna focus on the house, i'll be stuck at this 1/3 for quite a long time.. it's not health.. so no matter what ger, by 30, do a revision and aim for more..

Matters of the heart..
Amazingly.. amazing, amazingly.. normally, any post i blog are filled with Mr Sim's memories.. but i just realised, i haven even thot about him or visualise a future with him anymore.. even for the past 2 days, any thots about him came after this guy that i only met for 3 times. I am so amazed! for the past 4 years, i always chose to stick with waiting for mr sim even if someone who fits who i think i'm looking for comes along.. cos mr sim has always been so precious to me.
but this guy, even thou i dunno him well at all, and have not display any traits that i'm attracted to normally, seems to captivate me. but of cos.. he's not interested in me and he has someone whom he has already discussed which type of housing they will be purchasing.. i guess i should be glad.. God sent someone to test how impt mr Sim is to me.. and has proven to me that Mr Sim is not as close to my heart as i think he is.. it's just that so far, no one can capture my heart like mr sim.. however, this guy managed to catch my attention and makes me yearn to know him better within 3 mtings.. hmm.. issit my own desperation at work?
nonetheless, i now know that mr sim is just a convenient person for me to justify that there's actually no guys who's attracted to me.. hahaa.. on hindsight, looking at this situation, i wish that i didn't express my feelings to him then.. at least, there wouldn't be this change in the friendship.. i wonder, will this feeling change again? i hate being a gemini.. so inconsistent with my thots!

你现在在那里？我好想你啊..

One more week to ur birthday.. Hope you'll have a great time celebrating it! May all ur wishes come true!

Wondering where on Earth are you at rite now.. Guess you're not in VN now, otw, you wouldn't be able to do so much things on Facebook.. No matter where u may be, pls stay Happie ya?

我真的很害怕你会找到一个你喜欢她，而她也喜欢你的女生。
我真的很怕。。

missing you badly..
为什么一个没到3hours的meal就能让我陶醉在你的回忆里？
you said you wana watch Faye concert.. i know this time round, i'll not have a change to go with you, cos you surely won't wana be alone with me annimore.
Thankful that during the Yum Seng, you toast ur glass with my cup.. never fail to be nice and caring towards me. Thankful that you watsapp me when you were the first to reach.. at the very least, i know that, to you, i'm still a friend..
miss you showing ur armpit to everyone to show off ur Dolce and Garbana suit.. miss you being suan by the rest. miss ur last look, when you realise we'll not be joining you for after dinner activities..
What can i do to become someone significant to you?

天天想你

中毒太深again..

天天想你天天问自己
到什么时候才能告诉你
天天想你天天守住一颗心
把我最好的爱留给你
天天想你天天问自己
到什么时候才能告诉你
天天想你天天守住一颗心
把我最好的爱留给你
天天想你天天守住一颗心
把我最好的爱留给你

Hope u had a safe and peaceful flight. Have a great week ahead!

全世界的人，包括你都能觉得我无聊，也并不是真的喜欢你，但我仍然决定要等你。
用我的一生，换你这个完美的人。

Tv, I promise, I'll cont to work hard to become the type of person that you're attracted to. I'll put in my best effort, I'll do everything I can, to become someone u like.. U're really impt to me. Dunno how to describe my feelings towards you, don't understand why I'm so attracted to you.. Dunno why do I want to become someone significant to you so much.. Dunno why.. All I know is that, i thanks God daily for letting our path cross.. 看到你真的好开心，也好心痛。Dunno how to make conversation with you, dunno what to converse with you.. Dunno how to cont on.. May God looks after you and to let all ur wishes come true! Have a good nite sleep and a Happie day tmr with the pple u like.. I love you..

幸真的是那么简单...
Thanks god for letting me see you again...
Holding you still close to my heart..

How will my feelings be like tmr this time?

He commented on my facebook photo! So Happie that I've passed by his thots for those micro seconds.. 好幸福哦！ 弄得我整晚都睡不着..
God.. Pls cont to look after him n fill his days with happiness! =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D

真没想到，你现在竟然也在香港。
Hope I'll have a chance to bump into u..
Enjoy ur trip!

10 more days

多十天..
Ten more days
Dreamt of you ytd nite again..
我应该带着怎样的心情、感觉、态度与期待来面对你呢？
Be still, my beating heart.

Silence

Silence is without sound to many, but to me it is not.
Silence sometimes sounds very loud, especially to me it does.
Silence definition is soundless, but my definition of silence is noise.
Isn't it confusing and strange? I hear silence screaming again.

Something about myself.. it's quite accurate! =)

Lye Airu
June 15, 1982
Inner or Soul's Urge: This is spiritual and emotional expression more than physical. It is your heart-felt desires, your incentive, how you look at life. Here are your areas of personal satisfaction.
Deep down, you desire the best life has to offer. This includes living your inner life in peace and silence. You have a keen sense of perfection and like to meditate and analyze, dissect, examine, and consider things from every angle. And you can definitely do without poverty, the transitory, and the noise and confusion of the business world.
You love huge libraries, old and well-maintained gardens, classic pictures, and time mellowed furniture. You are intellectual, scientific, philosophical, deeply intuitive, and a well of secrecy. You are sought after for your wisdom. Probably you are somewhat shy and deeply emotional, but with a horror of showing it.
For more complete personal understanding of life, work on expressing your emotions, trusting your feelings, less avoidance, and being sympathetic and understanding with people. You possess a tremendous inner wisdom.

Personality: This is your physical expression more than spiritual or emotional, the way you present yourself when meeting others. It may or may not be the real you.
You are seen as a colorful, cheerful, and entertaining person; a natural host or hostess. You can cheer up a lifeless party. Friends are important to you, and you are easy to talk to.
In communication, you tend to elaborate and exaggerate in the direction of color and creativity, preferring to overlook the drab and mundane.
If you take on too many activities at once, you can appear superficial or contrived.
You probably enjoy wearing jewelry and fancy clothing. Just don't overdress or wear extreme styles in relation to the occasion.

Quiescent Self: Stripped of all outside influences, aspirations, ambitions, shoulds , and shouldn'ts you when you are alone, just you and your dreams.
You are popular, attractive, and sought after. You are successful in one or more artistic fields -- designing, decorating, painting, acting, singing, sculpting, or related arts. A guest list is not complete without your name. You are applauded for your talents and spread happiness wherever you go. It all comes natural to you.
Your thoughts and pleasure are related to seeding happiness and personal recognition of your artistic talents.

Destiny or Ultimate Goal: This is your desired lifetime accomplishment. It is a key to a useful and happy life, and to feeling fulfillment during your latter days.
Usually not very emotional, you are in this life to take action.
You want to lead and direct.
You are independent at heart and desire to reach your goals by your own efforts and intelligence. You have a strong creative force with many original and interesting ideas. There is much inner strength available to you. Rarely do you shirk responsibilities.
You are proud of your abilities and seek opportunities to display your strength and usefulness.
Others will respect and help you, like a true leader deserves, so long as you acknowledge and validate the interests and desires of others as well as your own. Be kind and generous, and you can be a recognized leader.
You can display conceit and intolerance of people who are considered inferior -- boastful, egotistical, critical, impatient of trifles -- especially when you feel impeded. When you are headstrong, impulsive, or highly willful, you may appear contrary, bossy, dominating, or egotistical. You tend to be impatient with those who are resistant to change.
You can be reticent, and can lack self-confidence. Sometimes you won't take a stand for fear of hurting others. Yet, something continually keeps urging you forward.
You want your home, spouse, and family to be a credit to you.
Overall, you are loyal in friendship, fair in business, a safe leader, and work diligently. You are capable of great accomplishment.

Life Path: Here are clues to what fate has in store for you. It indicates the type of encounters, events, and opportunities you are likely to experience along your physical life path.
Your path to holds frequent change, variety, travel, and the unexpected with a thorough mingling among humanity. You will grow by adapting yourself to change and uncertainty. Crowds and audiences appeal to you. You are passionately independent. You experience restlessness or impatience when things move along too slowly or when constant repetition becomes monotonous.
You sense that experience is the best teacher and that you learn best while you maintain your sense of individual freedom. You may have a tendency to misuse your freedom with over-indulgence of the senses, but that can be corrected by using your holistic sense of free will to go on to new adventures, and thereby discarding what no longer serves a purpose.
You have an innate ingenuity and can benefit from scientific, inventive, and resourceful people. You are versatile and clever. Things don't stay the same for long where you are.
You can understand all classes and conditions of people and can adapt yourself to unusual circumstances and conditions. Be alert to seize all that is novel and progressive. You profit by contact with other people.

漂白的心
不用相信　我對你表白的感受
只要知道　我們是永遠的朋友
我沒想到　你怕了我過火的溫柔
別讓一場相識美麗都變的醜陋
我會好好忍住淚流　你還夫復何求

我走　你會不會跟我勉強的牽牽手
牽牽手　可能是唯一撫摸你的藉口
我走　在有笑容的時候　請把我表情看透
我總是關懷你的感受　不想聽的不說出口
這一顆給你漂白的心　屬於這多年朋友什麼都沒有

想起我們從前　難道你沒發現　那些沉默的纏綿
一起吃過拉麵　一起看過表演　回憶永遠不改變

我不希望　愛情會讓我抬不起頭
別讓難忘的往事都變成了一段傷口
我會向別人展開追求　你還夫復何求

我走　你會不會跟我勉強的牽牽手
牽牽手　可能是唯一撫摸你的藉口
我走　在有笑容的時候　請把我表情看透
我總是關懷你的感受　不想聽的不說出口
這一顆給你漂白的心　屬於這多年朋友什麼都沒有

想起我們從前　難道你沒發現　那些沉默的纏綿
希望經過多年　我們還會見面　僅有的聊天　關係不改變

missing missing you again

Just spoke to a colleague just now.. she told me to consider the rest of the forest again.. esp when one of the tree seems to treat me slightly differently..
I told her.. I only have eyes for you..
Maybe i'll regret it 5 years later for not opening my options.. but as of now.. 心里仍然只有你。。

I'm a blessed ger.. Thanks God for letting my prayers come true.. :)

对你有感觉

作曲：光良 作词：陈歆淇/许世昌 编曲：吴庆隆

我曾深刻体会 对爱感到胆怯
还好有懂我的你 给我安慰

看你失落的脸 又再为爱憔悴
我心痛的感觉竟 如此的强烈

眼角的泪 它给过谁
伤透了心 也无所谓
我会愿意 静静地 陪在你身边

如果说爱 已不可为
那我宁愿 藏心里面
其实我害怕会失去你的感觉

怎么会开始对你有了感觉
又深怕朋友默契转身不见
矛盾着犹豫不决
没准备 跨越爱的界线

怎么会开始对你(你)有了感觉
深陷朋友恋人之间的危险
进与退 被爱包围 谁犯规 都狼狈
谁能解围 让一切完美

怎么会开始对你(你)有了感觉
深陷朋友恋人之间的危险
你和我 拥抱瞬间 不后悔 这暧昧
星光唯美 把爱放心里面

It's late at nite now, but I can't sleep cos I'm thinking of you.. Just read the dog horoscope for this mth.. It says, for the single, have confidence, sincerity and luck will help you win the one you love..
Am wondering how i'll behave at Darren's wedding when I see you.. How can I behave naturally as thou nothing has happen when I've been rejected by you after expressing my feelings towards you?
Will you feel my confidence and sincerity? What can I do to touch you, to make you feels that I really REALLY likes you?
I've been experimenting with different types of makeup for the past 2 mths to test what style suits me best. I've cut hair so that I'll differ from Chilin's hairstyle, to make myself not to become a poor shadow of the pple you are attracted to, and to create my independent style. I pray I can attract you with that.
I'm sincere in liking you, no ulterior motives, no request in wanting anything except ur happiness. To be able to see ur sunny smile, to be able to be by ur side. To be able to make you happy, to be able to engage you on the intellectual and emotional level, which I know, unfortunately, I'm too boring and self centered to do so.
While on my way home just now, was wondering to myself how I will react if you found a lady you like and gotten attached. I've got no idea at all.. I really need to brace myself for it.. I cannot imagine the pain I'll go thru.. But I'll definitely wish for you to be happie.
Hope you're enjoying ur trip in Turkey.. And will have a very spiritually and emotionally rewarding trip to Malaysia for ur Habitat for Community project! All the best to you! Muacks!

女人明知道你們之間沒有未來，卻情願留在你身邊做個普通朋友，不是她太賤，只是她捨不得 .

Pls have a happie day today.. =)

Mine was lousy.. Murphy's been following me for a few days.. =(
So i hope ur murphy also came to look for me and ur day was filled with happiness.. =)
thanks for posting ur photos online.. it kept me going thru the tuff time..
i know u wouldn't understand the effect you have on me.. but seeing ur sunny smile makes me feels that everything will still work out fine no matter how bleak the situation is..
Finally discover the thing that made me fall for you.. ur sunny smile!

为什么经过的每个地方都令我想到你？

Hope you'll have a perfect day today!
好想告诉你，假如有一天我不小心死了的话，just wana let you know that I really like you very much. Thanks for all the memories.. May your days be filled with happiness and contentment everyday for the rest of ur life!

当冬夜渐暖

很多事情　不是谁说了就算 　　
即使伤心　结果还是自己担 　　
多少次失望表示着多少次期盼 　　
事实证明　幸福很难 　　

我们之间　不是谁说了就算 　　
拉扯的爱　徒增结局的难堪 　　
一百次相爱只要有一次的绚烂 　　
下一次　会更勇敢 　　

当冬夜渐暖　当大海也不再那么蓝 　　
当月色的纯白变得阴暗 　　
那只是代表快乐不再那么简单 　　

当冬夜渐暖　当夏夜的树上不再有蝉 　　
当回忆老去的痕迹斑斑 　　
那只是因为悲伤从来　
都不会有答案 　　

我们之间　不是谁说了就算 　　
拉扯的爱　徒增结局的难堪 　　
一百次相爱只要有一次的绚烂 　　
下一次　会更勇敢 　　

当冬夜渐暖　当大海也不再那么蓝 　　
当月色的纯白变得阴暗 　　
那只是代表快乐不再那么简单 　　

当冬夜渐暖　当夏夜的树上不再有蝉 　　
当回忆老去的痕迹斑斑 　　
那只是因为悲伤从来　都不会有答案 　　

当冬夜渐暖　当青春也都烟消云散 　　
当美丽的故事都有遗憾 　　
那只是习惯把爱当作喜欢 　　
重要的是　我们如何爱过那一段

Had a beautiful dream ytd.

Had a beautiful dream ytd.
Bump into you at the airport transit area, and I imm defend myself and said I wasn't waiting there for you.. Haha
You were flying in to SG via Tiger from somewhere while I was omy to Macau and was waiting for my flight..
After that we were at ur place watching TV... haha.. funnie dream but i woke up with a smile on my face..

Anyway, 1.5 mths till i see you again.. hope you are enjoying ur travelling and is happie every day..

I'll be mting 38 tmr.. guess i will have a great time talking abt u again.. hahaha..

Maybe it has become a habit, maybe I dun really mean it anymore, but whatever it is, hope you had a Happie day today and a even better one tmr! 活着开心就好！

Why do my knees feel weak when I look at ur photos?

Haha.. This is bad.. I M.U.S.T stop indulging and refrain from thinking of you.. Hope you'll have good sleep tonite and enjoy ur gym tmr.. I'm going to join True Fitness tmrw.. Hope I can drop that 5 more kg before I see you again.. Hope that this time round, you will see me in a different light and finally come into this blog..
Love you lots.. May God look after you..

Missing you badly!

希望你有一个完美的一天

希望你有一个完美的一天... 好想你..
Hope you'll have a great weekend.. ur gym, coffeebean and shopping and TV routine.. How i wish to be a part of it..

If I have all the wishes in the world, i'll trade it for ur happiness..

Money Matters

AIM:
Give up cubicle by the end of this year. It's wasting money which I can use to save up for my future use.
Learn to work from home and streamline my biz system. How to streamline it? I need to think it thru!

ST Money-- $20,000
1) Current A/c: Hit 10K liquid money
All in and outflow to go thru current a/c.
2) EF A/c: Hit 10K EF
3) Start FSM once I hit my Current and EF a/c balance.

Not forgetting that I've gotta bring my mum for a holiday.. Am pondering now.. Where should I bring her to since Jap is out? China? or USA? Turkey? Italy? Taiwan? or Macau/HK?
I'm going Macau and HK in May.. gotta have some money for that trip too.

MT Money--
Well, just spent most of my MT investments on the property.. which, cross fingers, will be able to sell off in 5-8 years.
I think i'll be staying single since I only have one person in mind to spend the rest of my life with. Thus MT means having $ to purchase a flat at age 35 that I can rent out for monthly income and to eventually selling it off for capital appreciation at some time.
I dun think i wana buy a condo for residential purpose at that age too.
I'm 6 years away from 35 yrs old. Hopefully by then, to be able to sell off the condo that I'm holding now and to use that for the downpayment for the new flat.
I dun need anything much for MT currently then..
Actually all I need to do is to focus on my job and up my income.. it's really easy to up my income if I'm willing to put in some hard work.. But too comfortable to do so.. =( Otw, shouldn't be hard to earn the money to buy another condo.. All I need is about $200,000 only..Lemme think about this.. if I can streamline and establish a model and focus on some specialty.. hmm..

Current Retirement Fund Strategy

Assuming I want to have $3500 monthly from age 60 onwards and it is to last me for 25years until age 85.

FV3500 @ age 60 @3.5% inflation rate = $9,823
Assuming growth rate = inflation rate during age 60-85
Total bag of money @ age 60 = $2,946,900

1) Based on my current GSA contribution of $450 monthly, expected returns at age 51 assuming 9% pa = $504,504
Reinvest at 5% from age 51-60, expected returns at age 60= $780,000
2) Current NTUC Life and GE Life Plan, expected returns at age 60 =$230,000
Total expected returns based on my current LT plans (GSA, NTUC & GE) = $1,000,000

Shortfall = $2,946,900-$1,000,000= $1,946,000
Upcoming plans to top up the shortfall
1) $300 Monthly FSM invesmtnet from age 30. Based on rule of 72, if I invest $200 from age 30 till age 65 via FSM without stopping, expected monthly drawout of $4,800 which will subsidise the monthly income of $9,823 to $5,023.
2) With this FSM topup, i will just be $506,900 away from my retirement fund. Will relook into it after I hit the $300 monthly investment.

王菲陈奕迅合唱《将爱》主题曲《因为爱情》

Love this Song!

因为爱情

演唱：王菲&陈奕迅

给你一张过去的CD

听听那时我们的爱情

有时会突然忘了我还在爱着你

再唱不出那样的歌曲

听到都会红着脸躲避

虽然会经常忘了我依然爱着你

因为爱情 不会轻易悲伤

所以一切都是幸福的模样

因为爱情 简单的生长

依然随时可以为你疯狂

因为爱情 怎么会有沧桑

所以我们还是年轻的模样

因为爱情 在那个地方

依然还有人在那里游荡人来人往

再唱不出那样的歌曲

听到都会红着脸躲避

虽然会经常忘了我依然爱着你

因为爱情 不会轻易悲伤

所以一切都是幸福的模样

因为爱情 简单的生长

依然随时可以为你疯狂

因为爱情 怎么会有沧桑

所以我们还是年轻的模样

因为爱情 在那个地方

依然还有人在那里游荡人来人往

给你一张过去的CD

听听那时我们的爱情

有时会突然忘了我还在爱着你

Counting my Blessings~

They say a person needs just these things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for.

I've found the person I love, I'm back doing the career i enjoy, and I'm hoping that that the person I love will love me back and my career will take off from here..

Dunno why, after going out with Xingyan ytd nite, was so happie that I couldn't sleep for the entire nite. Primarily, i think it's cos i gotta a chance to relieve whatever I did at Vietnam and thereafter to XY and feel the the emotions that I have towards Mr Sim. =) So spent the entire nite thinking about him and all the blessings I have..

Let me count my blessings..

Someone to love....

Matter of the heart..
I'm blessed that I have found someone that I want to give my heart to. Blessed, cos whenever I'm down, for eg in the past 2 weeks while I were sick, I'll just look at the photos and i'll be filled with a warm fuzzy feeling and I'll automatically smile. Blessed, cos eventhou he doesn't like me, at the very least, I found him.

Friends
Realised I'm blessed with alot of friends. Alot of pple who care about me.
Cailing, my best friend. Someone whom we care deeply for each other despite not having much time for each other. Someone I know who will set time aside every other blue moon so that we can spend some time together. Someone who holds me close to her heart when she has so many friends and obligations demanding her attention.
Shijia, my dearest friend.. the one whom i can count on to settle everything for me. The one whom i can trust my life with. The one who owe me tons of things in her past life. Yiling and Shihui.. my other 2 SACYS.. friends who have always support me, hear me luff, see me cry.. luffed with and at me. Have to stand my emotions, have to bear with my overbearing temperment.. Pple I know who will stand by and with me even when the whole world goes against me.

Besides my SACYS.. there's my dearest Lorraine jiejie.. whom always let me 撒娇at her, whom always have me in her heart, whom always treat me as a 小妹妹。。 there's also Xingyan, someone who treats me as her close friend, someone whom always jio me out and let me feel that she enjoys my company. And my dear 38 (yup, you =)) I'm truely blessed and amazed, eventhou we spend 3 months knowing each other, and lost touch with each other for more than 10 years, we can pick up from where we parted and i know you really care for me! =) Thanks for all your encouragement for the past few weeks. I miss and love you! Minghui, thanks for being my alter ego.. we're exactly the same, our fave subjects are always ourselves and the guys in our lives.. haha.. thanks for taking me as a friend.. My primary school friend gejun, thou sometimes, 真的不是很谈的来，but I'm blessed that you've taught me much about grooming, and always having me in ur heart to treat me for meals and wantng to recommend guys and high net worth clients to me. My dear little Jan, thanks for being the first angel in my career, for referring so many clients to me, for having so much faith in me when I first started this career. Thanks for being the 妹妹that I've never have.. =) Oh yah.. and AKY and GCW.. thanks for being my best guy friends.. for always conscientiously recommending clients to me, for ur encouragement and friendship.

还有i'm so grateful to this group of colleagues I made here.. My dear Ms Tan, the person who made me open up totally and feel so at ease with. the one i can chat 天南地北 with. thanks for the wonderful friendship you've gave me.. and of cos, pple like derrick, jess, irene, sharon, coco and dom.. thanks for giving me this circle of friend.. this clique that I belongs to at work. and HL, for always telling me that I'm his role model, GS, for giving me this affirmation that I've been a good boss.. It really means alot to me.. and of cos.. Jodie.. thanks for msging me on an almost daily basis asking me how my day was.. sharing with me ur case studies etc.. althou i don't enjoy the attention, but i'm grateful that i pass thru ur thots almost on a daily basis.. of cos, my dear 老板.. eventhou i know we have different allience, i'm grateful for your effort in bringing me up in my career.. eventhou you dunno it, you'll be the person i'll ask to stand in as my father to give me away should I ever get married in a church.

I'm blessed in terms of my career. Sometimes, i'll think back, if I've stayed in banking, i should be similar to Janice, minghui and cailing bah.. earning 4k plus, 3-4 months bonus and the other std benefits, without much worrying about how to ensure my survival in the next few months.. however, just the thots of living my life day in and out doing the same things, all the way until i'm 30, 35, 40, 45 till 60..make me scared. I dunno why, i think it's scary.. we spend the bulk of our time at work.. if we dun do something we enjoy, then i think it's a huge waste of time.
I'm grateful that I've been able to survive in this career so far. And exceptionally thankful that I've got this group of clients who trust me explicitly and will seek my guidence in other matter of their lives. I'm thankful that my clients do listen to me and feels that I've helped them with their lives. I'm thankful that I've been there for them to figure out their lives better. I'm really privileged to be a part of their lives! =)

My family..eventhou i'm in a semi cold war with my mum now.. I'm grateful that she's putting in so much effort to appease me, to serve me, to look after me as thou i'm a princess. I know i'm being very bad.. but somehow as of now, i feel rather 叛逆。。 I'm grateful that after my grandma's death, i finally force my brother and sister to break the 心结 they have for so many years.. I truely yearn for the day that the 3 of us will be as close as we were when we were growing up.


Something to do

Moving forward, what's my plan?

My Career..
since I've stepped back to being a FC again, i've got all the time in the world to build back my client base. I should be grateful that I've absorbed Andrew's clients as well despite having to give him a huge cut of my income. But I will never earn this income if he doesn't gives this group of clients to me in the first place.
I want to become the legendary hardworking FC that I used to be.. Doing my fave activity calling.. Meeting up with pple, sharing my belief with them and helping them to plan for the future. Earning a good income along the way and gaining the respect of my fellow colleagues. I want to go back to having 50 appts ahead of me, 8 appts and 1 FNA per day. I want to become the FC i used to be in the past.
I want to be a FC with integrity, to call all my clients that I've neglected along the way and remind them on what they have and how far they are away from whom they want to become. i want to complete my CFP and become a real Certified Financial Planner. I want to help my clients to specialise in their retirement planning. I want to reach out to families and help them to take care of their blindspot. I want my clients to be in the know of what their portfolio is about. I want to set up a succession plan for my clients in the event of my untimely demise. I want them to be well taken care of.
I will start calling all my clients in march and fix appts to meet them in Apr, May and June. I will finish my testimonial handbook by March for them to pen their testimonial on working with me and ask them for referrals. I will have to add in meeting up with Andrew's clients and all the pple who are in my pending list.
I will start my CFP lesson in late May and take the paper in July. Hope that I will have my CFP by Sept. =)
I want to start my telemarketing project, to get telemarketeers to fix appts for me for Eldershield.
I want to do up the motor insurance phamplet for the students to distribute and to set up a unit to specialise in motor insurance.
I want to work on the Moneytree project with Ms Tan and Ms Tan to kickstart financial literacy education in schools.

My personal development..
My targeted weight.. 45KG.. by the end of the year.
I was 67 when i went to VN.. Thanks God for planning this series of events for me to go VN such that I got use to eating lesser there and become determined to slim down.
Hovering at the edge of 61-60 now.. and I really wana hit at least 55kg when I see Mr Sim in May.. then it's 50kg by aug and finally 43-45kg by end of the year..
I'm starting gym tmr and I really want to start a routine of going gym from here onwards.
I'm just went for facial today, and is going to go for it on a monthly basis to tune my skin beter. I'm still continuing with the Skin Food Peppermint Mask and am toying with the idea of going for Carbon peel to minimise my pores.. still thinking thru.. not too sure.. hmm..
My aim is that I'll look better and is thinner when I see Mr Sim in May.. So that hopefully, i can fit nearer into the type of lady he likes.. I should be going Macau in May to help him buy the fake longchamp bag for his mum too. =) Hopes he will likes it.
I'm also following the one year bible plan on iphone now.. finally getting started on knowing how to read the bible.. I wana continue with it and be able to finish reading the bible when the year ends. =)


Something to hope for..

My career plans and my physical transformation are my only focus this year.
I hope that I'll achieve whatever i've stated here when this year ends.
Most importantly, i really pray and hope that, now that Mr Sim knows that I like him, will take a look at this blog one day and realised that there's this lady here who likes him so much, and is so grateful to have known him. and hopefully, one day, he will be touched and will see this lady more than a friend.. That's my biggest wish. I know many friends have scolded me and say that i shouldn't change for a person. I also subscribed to the thinking that one should never change for another person. Mr Sim is the motivation for my change.. I'm the ultimate beneficiary of all my actions. Also, i'm facing 30 next year... for some reason, after coming back from VN, i suddenly realised that who and what I am now is the results of all my actions in the past 28 years of my life.. And therefore, my actions will determines who and what I will become from 30-60 onwards.. I want to see myself as a happy, healthy, pretty, slim, popular and successful FC and friend from 30 and beyond.. Thus, i need to set my foundation from my 29-30 period.. all that I'm doing now will set the direction of what I will do from this moment onwards.. and I'm determined to become someone who is grateful for all that God has bless me with, someone with loyalty and kindness in her heart, someone who glows and radiates happiness from within, someone who has lotsa love in her heart..someone whose heart will always belongs to Mr Sim..

Calling calling.. My fave activity.. 8 appts n 1 Fna per day, 50 appts ahead of me! Focus! I love my Job! =) 

Have a safe flight home! =)

Enjoy ur Fantastic day!

作曲：光良 作词：陈歆淇/许世昌 编曲：吴庆隆
　 （歌词转自 音魁网 www.inkui.com）
　 我曾深刻体会 对爱感到胆怯
歌 还好有懂我的你 给我安慰
词 （歌词转自 音魁网 www.inkui.com）
转 看你失落的脸 又再为爱憔悴
自 我心痛的感觉竟 如此的强烈
音 （歌词转自 音魁网 www.inkui.com）
魁 眼角的泪 它给过谁
网 伤透了心 也无所谓
ｉ 我会愿意 静静地 陪在你身边
ｎ （歌词转自 音魁网 www.inkui.com）
ｋ 如果说爱 已不可为
ｕ 那我宁愿 藏心里面
ｉ 其实我害怕会失去你的感觉
·

ｃ 怎么会开始对你有了感觉
ｏ 又深怕朋友默契转身不见
ｍ 矛盾着犹豫不决
　 没准备 跨越爱的界线
　
　 怎么会开始对你(你)有了感觉
　 深陷朋友恋人之间的危险
　 进与退 被爱包围 谁犯规 都狼狈
　 谁能解围 让一切完美
　
　 怎么会开始对你(你)有了感觉
　 深陷朋友恋人之间的危险
　 你和我 拥抱瞬间 不后悔 这暧昧
　 星光唯美 把爱放心里面

Beautiful Words

When love is tried as loved ones change,
Hold still to the hope though all seems strange.
Till ease returns and love grows wise
through listening ears and opened eyes.

5 Words to change one's prespective

An excerpt from
The 100/0 Principle
by by Al Ritter
What is the most effective way to create and sustain great relationships with others? It's The 100/0 Principle: You take full responsibility (the 100) for the relationship, expecting nothing (the 0) in return.

Implementing The 100/0 Principle is not natural for most of us. It takes real commitment to the relationship and a good dose of self-discipline to think, act and give 100 percent.

The 100/0 Principle applies to those people in your life where the relationships are too important to react automatically or judgmentally. Each of us must determine the relationships to which this principle should apply. For most of us, it applies to work associates, customers, suppliers, family and friends.
• STEP 1 - Determine what you can do to make the relationship work...then do it. Demonstrate respect and kindness to the other person, whether he/she deserves it or not.
• STEP 2 - Do not expect anything in return. Zero, zip, nada.
• STEP 3 - Do not allow anything the other person says or does (no matter how annoying!) to affect you. In other words, don't take the bait.
• STEP 4 - Be persistent with your graciousness and kindness. Often we give up too soon, especially when others don't respond in kind. Remember to expect nothing in return.


At times (usually few), the relationship can remain challenging, even toxic, despite your 100 percent commitment and self-discipline. When this occurs, you need to avoid being the "Knower" and shift to being the "Learner." Avoid Knower statements/ thoughts like "that won't work," "I'm right, you are wrong," "I know it and you don't," "I'll teach you," "that's just the way it is," "I need to tell you what I know," etc.

Instead use Learner statements/thoughts like "Let me find out what is going on and try to understand the situation," "I could be wrong," "I wonder if there is anything of value here," "I wonder if..." etc. In other words, as a Learner, be curious!

Principle Paradox

This may strike you as strange, but here's the paradox: When you take authentic responsibility for a relationship, more often than not the other person quickly chooses to take responsibility as well. Consequently, the 100/0 relationship quickly transforms into something approaching 100/100. When that occurs, true breakthroughs happen for the individuals involved, their teams, their organizations and their families.

Rip Granny..

Everything has ended..
Hope that all the feuds and unhappiness will cease from now on..
Wish that you will have a better life in ur next round.
我一直以为你会活到一百岁。
从没想过有一天你也会离开我们。
希望你会得到安宁。
别担心，jimmy长大了，很懂事，他会照顾阿姨的。
安息吧。

Should I give up the forest for that tree?

Masking sorrow..

If I Shall..

My Gugu passed away during CNY, and now, my grandma is also facing death soon.
Sorta unexpected, cos she was still so strong and loud when we saw her during CNY. And suddenly she's in a coma in the hospital.. Surprised. No doubt we do not have much love for her, and the most memorable memory i have of her is her giving me part of her apple when she was staying with us previously, it's still quite sad that someone whom i'm supposed to be close with is leaving me soon forever.
And it feels sorta strange to see my grandma lying unconcious on the bed with so many tubes attached to her body when she is normally so healthy and strong. =(
Anyway, wrote this note when i was attending Gugu funeral in Malaysia. didn't want to publish it as i was bearing the hope that TV will be visiting this blog after i tell him that i like him. But since he will not be coming into this blog (hopefully, only in the near future), and the fact that my grandma is passin on, i guess i will publish this note so that shijia will not have to fight to fulfil my last wishes bah..
-------
My Gugu passed away on Chu Si. Received a call from the other Gugu ytd on the news, and drove down to Pontian to attend the funeral today.
Looking back, my father passed away 17 years ago at age 61.. so now, 17 years later, this Gugu passed on as well. Finally, the siblings are reunited again.
Grieving
When i pass on, how do i want my funeral to be like?
In the past, i used to say, let my mum decide, cos it will not matter to me since I am no longer around. However, thinking of the tedious and adminstrative process of the wake and funeral and the rituals thereafter, year after year until the next generation is unwiling to carry on thereafter, and worst (!) doing the rituals out of obligation, i do feel that's not i want.
How do i want my funeral to be like?
I want it to be simple. A few nights of remembrance. A few nites for my family to have an opportunity to properly rest and grieve, to run thru' their memories of me, the laughter, happiness, tears and all sorta emotions I had brought for them. Not being tied down by any adminstrative stuffs. No rituals or monks, no praying, but it's just the pple that have touched my life, or pple i've touched their lives for us to say a proper private goodbye before my physical being vanish from earth.
I want it to be a celebration of my short life on earth. I want pple to associate me with their best memory of me. I want to see tears with dignity, I just want a few minutes of silence for pple to indulge in their last moment of me and a final goodbye eulogy from pple I love and pple who loves me before the final goodbye at the crematorium.
I wish for the undertaker, or whoever wil be conducting the session to ask all those who wana tell me anything to do it at that moment before my Father God brings me to my permanent home. My only request is to play my fave songs- Leo Ku, Eason Chen, Faye, Sandy, Selected Lee Hom, Mayday, Jacky, Jeff, Fish, Home (Elliot Yamin version only) and those i normally play in my mp3, and for there to be lotsa flowers. I love Gerberra, lilies, roses and all types of flowers. I would like another projector to run thru all my photos with my family, friends and individual in my laptop.
Graceful, simple and beautiful.
That's all. I want pple leaving my funeral to leave with a smile on their face and happy memories in their heart. I do not want any further rituals thereafter. I do not want my mum or family to carry on offering incense, meat, or paper offerings every anniversary etc. I just want my mum not to be tired out, not to make it a big event year after year and force her body to take further sufferings, and making my sis and brother to do a lot of things to make her feel comfort at their own time and happiness. If anyone wants to remember me, I will be really appreciative if you will just make a donation to the SPH school pocket money fund to help others. If anyone misses me at anytime or during any speacial occasion, just head to ECP and look up. I'll be there! =)

只要你开心就好。
Thanks God for giving you one of ur happiest moment! =)

真的很努力不想你了。
Hope you'll have a great day at Church!
Hope that one day, we'll have a makeup session for the Park Hyatt buffet we missed 4 Sundays ago..
希望你天天开心！

别再想了, Sindy.

不是我不明白　這樣並不算太壞
懂得愛　說來無奈　來自對你虧待
沒刻意掩埋　沒對他坦白　你還在

會進來嗎　你在送我回家我還在猜測
可都是真的了
再見面前　一直想像還有某種關聯
但客氣　是拒絕

新的朋友　不再重疊
你的世界　我在邊緣

不是我不明白　這樣並不算太壞
能再次關懷　時間洗刷所有不愉快
後來的愛　我們嘗試去寬待
懂得愛　說來無奈　來自對你虧待
沒刻意掩埋　沒對他坦白　你還在

沒說分手　終於是能開玩笑的朋友
不是不難過的
多少年了　我想過能夠和你一起老的
卻都有別人了

新的朋友　不再重疊
我的世界　你在邊緣

不是我不明白　有些話沒說出來
能再次關懷　時間洗刷所有不愉快
後來的愛　我們嘗試去寬待
懂得愛　說來無奈　來自對你虧待
沒刻意掩埋(沒有)　沒對他坦白　你還在

不是我不明白　說悲哀並不應該
我們的關懷　像愛但又說不上愛
沒有後來　我們才學會愛
但現在　說來感慨　不是那個未來
我們說好的　不會更改的　你會在
不是我不明白　　

Since you said you'll not be reading my blog.. i guess, i can safely continue to pen down my thots of you.
Lotsa things were running thru my mind from Sunday till today. Why did i manage to convince myself that I should let you know about my feelings towards you? Why do i want to change anything about this friendship i hold so dear? Would I prefer you not to reply my card and thus render me worthless as a friend to you, or to receive that email from you?
I've no idea.
My heart has been in pain for the past 2 days.. and it still is, Just like having a hole in there. Despite you saying that you selfishly prefer things to be the same, please forgive me for not being able to transform that feeling of wanting to be with you back to a platonic friendship immediately, or in the near foreseeable future.
I kept telling myself, all i need to do is cry to everything out, but i couldn't even squeeze out a tear. I kept wondering, do i really like you? if so why can't i cry it out? Or if all i like is the feeling of having someone to be with and you were the nearest convenient person, how come i cannot accept any other people in my life so that I will still be available for you?

Do you know that your email made me fall deeper for you? How nice you were in rejecting me, How considerate you were in giving me an excuse to say that you misread my card so that I can look and feel better at ur expense etc. Why did God let me fall deeper for you?

3 more months before I'll see you again.
I promise I will do my best not to think too much about you, not to view your facebook obsessively, not to indulge in any memories about you or link every songs or shows to you.
I’ll do my best to transform my feeling towards you back to a platonic friendship, eventhou I know that I’m lying to myself.
I’ll do my best to ignore the hole in my heart until I can finally cry everything out.
I’ll do my best to become someone whom you will be attracted to, so that comes May, I have a chance that you may change your mind.

If what you wrote in n ur email is the whole truth, and that the sole reason is that you do not prefer to date friends, I will tell you to unfriend me, take me as thou you just know me today thru a mutual friend, would you don’t mind wanting to know me better, or would you still not be attracted to me like now? Do you think it never cross my mind that I might be potentially giving up this friendship in order to take this relationship further? But after thinking thru and as my feeling for you intensify over the past 4 years, I feel it’s worth the risk to attempt to do so and I know that I will treasure it even more preciously.
I believe your friend means a lot to you, such that you were willing to transform the friendship to something further, and it might have hurt you deeply that you’ve lost your friendship with this close friend such that you swear off dating friends. I don’t know how long it will take, but I will wait for your wound to heal, and to continue to work hard to make myself become someone that you dare to take the leap of faith and give dating friend another try.

痛

Thanks and 我總會把你戒掉

還是原來那個我 不過流掉幾公升淚所以變瘦
對著鏡子我承諾 遲早我會還這張臉一堆笑容

不算什麼 愛錯就愛錯
早點認錯 早一點解脫

我寂寞寂寞就好 這時候誰都別來安慰擁抱
就讓我一個人去痛到受不了 想到快瘋掉
死不了就還好

我寂寞寂寞就好 你真的不用來我回憶裡微笑
我就不相信我會笨到忘不了 賴著不放掉
人本來就寂寞的 借來的都該還掉
我總會把你戒掉

還是原來那個你 是我自己做夢你有改變什麼
再多的愛也沒用 每個人有每個人的業障因果

會有什麼 什麼都沒有
早點看破 才看得見以後

我寂寞寂寞就好 這時候誰都別來安慰擁抱
就讓我一個人去痛到受不了 想到快瘋掉
死不了就還好

我寂寞寂寞就好 你真的不用來我回憶裡微笑
我就不相信我會笨到忘不了 賴著不放掉
人本來就寂寞的 我總會把你戒掉

因为我喜欢你，所以决定改变我对你的感觉

How do you know when you fall in love with a person?

He should be at work now.. Tues and Thurs is when he doesn't have gym and lesson.
Did he really didn't see the card? Or is he feigning ignorance?
If so, he didn't bother going to the blog to even take a look?
That's really sad then..
Doesn't even wana find out more about my feelings towards him? Am I being narcissistic? Is it that I'm so wrapped in my own thinking that I cannot understand and accept that he doesn't likes anything about me?
Am I twisting my own thots? To make me believe that this is a 2 way feeling? Cos i think way too much into his every actions? That I managed to convience myself that everything he said, wrote, mentioned and done before is actually a subtle hint that he likes me? And thus I sank deeper and deeper into this self created relationship?
Do I really like him? Or do I like the feeling that there's someone I can think about? How do you know when you fall in love with a person?

属于

我坚持的 都值得坚持吗
我所相信的 就是真的吗
如果我赶追求 我就敢拥有吗
而如果都算了 不要呢
或许吧 或许我永远都不要遇见他
或许吧 或许我太天真了吧
属于我的昨天之前的结局
我决定我的决定
属于我的明天之后的憧憬
我迷信我的迷信
属于我们点点滴滴的伤心
我们要各自忘记
属于我们闪闪发亮的爱情
我们再一起努力
属于风的 那就去飞翔吧
属于海洋的 那就汹涌的
属于我们的爱 该来的就来吧
为什么不敢呢 不要呢?
是他吧 命中早就注定了的那个他
是他吧 他原来就在这里啊
属于我的昨天之前的结局
我决定我的决定
属于我的明天之后的憧憬
我迷信我的迷信
属于我们点点滴滴的伤心
我们要各自忘记
属于我们闪闪发亮的爱情
我们再一起努力
属于我的昨天之前的结局
我决定我的决定
属于我的明天之后的憧憬
我迷信我的迷信
属于我们点点滴滴的伤心
我们要各自忘记
属于我们闪闪发亮的爱情
我们再一起努力
属于我们点点滴滴的伤心
我们要各自忘记
属于我们闪闪发亮的爱情
我们再一起努力

Always Live Life to the Fullest

Don't let go of hope
Hope gives you the strength to keep going
When you feel like giving up

Don't ever quit believing in yourself
As long as you believe you Can
You will always have reason for trying

Don't let anyone hold your Happiness in their hands
Hold it in yours, so it will always be within your Reach

Don't measure success or failure by material wealth
But by how you Feel;
Our feelings determine the richness of our Lives

Don't let bad moments overcome You
Be patient
and they will pass

Don't hesitate to reach out for Help
We all need it
from time to time

Don't run away from Love but towards Love
Because it is your deepest Joy

Don't wait for what you want to come to you
Go after it with all that you are
Knowing that Life will meet you Halfway

Don't feel like you've lost
When plans and dreams fall short of your hopes
Anytime you learn something new
About Yourself or about Life
You have progress

Don't do anything that takes away
From your Self Respect,
Feeling good about Yourself
Is essential to feeling good about Life

Don't ever forget how to Laugh
Or be too proud to Cry
Or too stubborn to Smile

Don't ever forget a friend who truly loves you
As it could be that friend who is true to your needs
Don't ever forget who helped you Grow as you need
for more seeds may often re-appear

With all the above, Live Life to the Fullest

Think I'll chicken out again if I do not pen these down

Why I finally decide to tell you that I like you

1) I need a closure to this feeling towards you. I need to move on already. I need to open my life to more pple instead of shutting them out. I can't possibly be still in this limbo at age 30 and beyond. It's scary. But I know I cannot move on unless you're married (and it will seriously break my heart thou I've been bracing myself for it for the past few years, but will be really happy for you)

2) Received lotsa signals that I should tell you that I like you.
For eg, was watching 游龙戏凤 during CNY, and there was this part in the show where there was a game show whereby pple go onto TV to express their love towards the person they like. They featured this guy who went on to express his love towards this lady, eventhou this lady had recently passed away. And the gameshow host asked this guy, why are you expressing your love even thou this lady is dead? And the guy answered, "the lady met with an accident and died otw to the date which I wanted to tell her that I like her". So I want to express my love to her now to let her know that at least, in this world, there's someone who likes her very much.
Somehow, i feel that God arranged for me to see this part to let me muse over this. I've been thinking over this in the past few days, to tell you or not to tell you? I really dun wish to cause any unnecessary pressure to you by letting you know that I like you, and i definitely don't wish to spoil/ amend this precious relationship I hold so dear to my heart. At the same time, at the very least, i would like you to know that, in this world, there's someone who likes you very much, who's very grateful to have known you and feels that you are the most special person in this world.


3) Was reading my entire blog today and realised that I've been penning that I wana tell you that I like you before you went for your Masters. One reason was because I was scared something will happen to you there since it is a significantly more dangerous place and I'll live in regret forever , and the other was that you might find someone you like there and I'll never have a chance to let you know that I like you. Read that there were many times that I wanted to let you know, but i've always chose the easy way out. As such, it caused me to be where I am today. Stucked. Unless I address this relationship honestly, I'll still be like this 2 years from now. My excuse of my inaction at that time has always been, i do not see the need to tell him, cos all i ask for is to have to right to be able to be by his side, and for him to be happy. There's no need to let him knows that I like him if all i want is this and I can have all these via the friendship i have with him currently. Then why is there a need to tell you now? All i'm asking for is just to have the same friendship, to have the right to be by ur side whenever we meet up, and for you to be happy still. I have no answer, I only know that there's an urge, a nagging thot, something in my heart/ brain that's telling me it's time to move on. Stop this childish behavior already. Even to the extent that I might lose this friendship if things become awkward, there's a need for me to release myself from this mental web that i've entangled myself in.

4) I really wish to become part of your life. Thou I keep saying that i do not wish to change any part of our friendship, there's no denying that I hope that I will have a chance to become part of your life, to have an opportunity to be together with you. Maybe my thinking is very traditional, but I always feel that it should always be guys to take the first approach. But after so many years, the desire to become part of your life outweighs my pride and traditional thinking. A friend told me this, just check with him (you) if there's any possibility of exploring a deeper r/s. Another friend told me that I'll live to regret it when you have a gf cos this happened to her. Not telling the guy she likes that she likes him and by the time she wanted to do that, the guy was already attached. And another friend told me that i need to let you know, cos in this world, all pple fall under 3 catagories, First is "Like and take action. Second is "Don't mind but wun take action" and third is "Don't like and will reject". Eventhou I'm not under catagory 1, but there's a chance that I'm under catagory 2 and you wouldn't mind me if I tell you that I like you. Of cos, there's a good chance I'm under Cat 3 cos we've both been single for so long and i've always feel that you take me as one of the numerous friends you have and your niceness is the same towards everyone.

Thus, with all these reasons in mind, I hope I'll not chicken out again to let you know how I feel towards you.

I know that I’m not the lady you like, but I’m definitely the lady who likes you the most.

Well, Mr Sim, if I do not play chicken the next time I see you again, here's a welcome post for you.

还记得第一次看到你是在O Week 的 preparation period. I was seated with some pple from my OG group playing Dai Dee and you and Yuan Bing walked over and started chatting and playing with us. I only vaguely remembering Fat Jon introducing both of you to us. That's the first 记忆I have of you. The following day, during O week, you and Yuan Bing were in charge of the games activities and I spoke to you for a while at the NUS field.

Thereafter, started to know you better when you were in the Loreal Project with SK and Jane, during our internship at TradeOne and when you were running the D&D event. 讲真的，那时对你的印象并不是很深。只觉得你是一个很好很好的人。Do you still remember, during our internship period, there was this Malay guy whom i told you was chasing me, and in order to make him give up on me, i asked you to walk me to the Raffles Place MRT station and I'll hold you fingers to turn off that Malay guy? Some time later, i heard SK and Jane repeat this incident to me and i realised that you thought that i actually sorta came out with this story so as to hold your hand. Actually, at that time, i do not feel anything towards you at all, except that you're a great friend. Especially since you were gracious enough to refer me into Trade One then.
Some time later, i guess it was your final sem, when we were doing the D&D event, and dunno why, Jiawei invited me to her place one day. And at there, she mentioned to me that you were chasing her. You were asking her out to watch movies and were sending flowers to her. That was the first time I realised that, "Hey, so you're just pretending not to like any of the gers but is actually doing lotsa stuff behind the scenes."
Some time later again, probably after your graduation, I heard from Duanqin that you sent flowers to her place and asked her out on V day after she broke off with Duan Lang. At that time, I was quite surprised. First is because just a few days before that, Darren also told me he wanted to chase Duanqin. And suddenly, I heard from DQ that you were also chasing her. In fact, there was once when I was at her place and I saw she is in ur ICQ’s private list. It made me sad cos I thot all of us were equal friends to you. It also made me reflected, “Hey, why are these 2 guys interested in the same lady who just gotten single recently, and here I am, being single for so many years, and neither of you are even slightly interested?” That was when I realised, looks and grooming is very important. I also realised that although you always criticize DQ in front of us, you were actually quite 口是心非。

When did I start falling for you?
I really can’t pinpoint any particular date or event.
The most significant event should be the first Sandy’s concert we went to. On hindsight, as per today, while recalling why I decided to attend the concert with you, did I remembered that I was listening to 933 when the commercial for Sandy’s concert went on air. So I was thinking to myself, I wana go if I can find anyone to go with me. Surprisingly, you texted me shortly after that to ask if I’m interested in going. I also remembered that you asked me while we were waiting to go into the indoor stadium, “Sindy ah, 下次Sandy 来开演唱会的时候, 你还要来吗？and my reply to you was ‘看先lor”..

Dunno why, it seems that I started developing feelings for you after that concert. This feeling started to grow rapidly and for no reason, I suddenly fell madly in love with you. That’s why, thereafter, as much as I can, I’ll always attend any gathering as long as you are there.

其实很多次，我都有机会告诉你我有多喜欢你的，可是我每一次都chicken out. Just like the 11 days here. I’m sure you’re aware that I’m here at HCMC only because you’re here. Similarly, I stayed for so long only cos I wana spend more time with you, but I didn’t realize that I will start to get on ur nerves until you’re like disliking and avoiding me. I’m really sorry about it. 有时，当我们越在乎一个人的时候，就越想把他抓紧，也就更容易将他推开。
Actually, I was really sad when you started to give me the cold shoulder from Saturday nite and behaved grumpily on Sunday that I bought a tic home for Tuesday noon. On Monday nite, I was rehearsing how to 对你表白but lacked the guts to do so again when you started treating me normally, and even shared your ginger tea with me. Thus I decided to forfeit the recently purchased tickets. Anyway, the 表白script goes something like this
“ Tze Vin ah, I sense that you’ve not been very happy and is avoiding me for the past few days and I understand you do not want to talk about it. My sincere apologies if I’ve offended you unknowingly in the past few days and if you ever feel like talking about it, I’m always around.” That’s the first part. And the most probable response that you might give me is – nothing lor. And the second part is letting you know that I like you. “Also, I also wana tell you something, from the bottom of my heart, 我想告诉你我喜欢你。” 其实我已经喜欢你很多年了，可是我从来不敢告诉你。记得吗，I told you that I came here to spend sometime with myself, to find the direction on where I want to head towards in the next few years. So in order to move on, I really need a closure on this relationship. 你知道吗，暗恋一个人真的好累。天天都想着同样的一个人，thinking what you’ll be doing today, who you will interact or know today. Fearfully checking facebook daily, looking at photos of potential ladies or even worst, discovering that you have changed your relationship status from “Single” to “Attached”. Thinking if you’re happy today, thinking if I’ll bypass your thots today etc. thinking how to explain to pple why I’m not attached at such a ripe old age, explaining to my friends why you’re worth the wait for so many years than to accept the other pple wanting to come into my life. I’ve always wanted to tell you this for many many years already- at Lee Hom’s, 2nd Sandy’s and Jeff Concert, at the xmas musical at VCH, at ur place when I went to return ur cd to you, at orchard road last year when you came back for Xmas, at the Katong Mall KTV when we were alone tog at the last hour, at susu jie wedding when we were alone for a while.. all these times, 话都到了嘴边当却说不出来。。 宁愿眼睁睁的看着你离开也不敢告诉你我喜欢你。
Many times, I justify to myself. TV 喜欢的女生都是最美的，高瘦漂亮，他绝对看不上我的。Therefore, 没说会比有说好，因为at the very least, in my eyes, I can maintain an above average friendship with you. I’ll still have the right to look at you and luff, the right to 偷偷看你 and most importantly, the right to just be by ur side whenever we meet up. 还有，I can never forget the incidence at East Coast Park when we were learning roller blading together. I offered to hold your hand when you fell down and you totally ignored me. And when DQ offered her hand to you, you happily sang 牵手。Actually that hurts me deeply, cos all I was doing was offering help to you, but you pushed it away. As such, I always tell myself, what’s the point of letting him know that I like him? This feeling will not be reciprocated, and I’ll lose the right to be by his side from then on. Nothing matters as long as I can be by his side. However, after this visit, after this period of thinking thru’, I guess, it’s time to face the truth. 应该是时候告诉你了。Cos after this visit, I’m sure my status in ur heart has dropped greatly. Moving forward, I’m sure you’re no longer going to treat me like before and I guess, we’ll not be going out alone anymore. So,yup, it doesn’t matter if you know about me liking you or not any more.
Cos no matter what, I have lose this precious relationship that has been so important to me for the past few years.

No matter what, Tze Vin, I’m really grateful to you, for giving me such wonderful memories for the past few years. Thank you making me happy everyday just by thinking of you, thank you for letting me for always having a reason to look forward to in life, thank you for treating me so nice everytime I see you, thank you for taking those 2 precious photos with me that I’ll always look at whenever I’m down, Thank you for accompanying me to so many concerts and let me be in the presence of good music and company. thank you for ur graciousness for the past 11 days and sharing with me what’s ur typical day is like here. Thank you for bringing me around HCMC and for giving up the bed to me. Thank you for bearing with my teeth grinding and snoring. Thank you for forgiving me for my overstay and the intrusion into ur privacy, personal space and time. Thank you for letting me knows that I’m blessed by God cos he sent you into my life. Thank you for everything you have given me and just want to let you know that you’ll always have a very special place in my heart. I love you.

PS, just wana let you know, I know that I’m not the lady you like, but I can confidently say this, I’m definitely the lady who likes you the most.

Love,
Sindy

终于熬到最后一晚了。。

很抱歉Mr Sim， 害你这么多晚没得好睡了。。
I'm really sorry, but i think you're sick of hearing me say sorry to you already.
Thanks for ur graciousness and ur 包容。。

Things to do when I'm back!

Cut my hair and do manicure
Bring mum to massage
Renew my own motor insurance and check locker
Buy a present for Mr Sim- overnite bag, tie etc + card.
Go Pru to liquidate my investment
Liquidate FSM investment
Go thru PF
Call Xixiang and Edgar
Chk with Grace on TRA cheque

Honesty is the best Policy

I've always believe in honesty..
Can I be honest with this feeling?

Thinking Positively

If you want to get somewhere, you have to know where you want to go
and how to get there. Then never, never, never give up!

The secret of life isn't what happens to you,
but what you do with what happens to you.

Help other people to cope with their problems
and your own will be easier to cope with.

Never use the word impossible seriously again.
Toss it into the verbal wastebasket.

Self-trust is the first secret of success.
So believe in and trust yourself.

Stand up to your obstacles and do something about them.
You will find that they haven't half the strength you think they have.

Joy increases as you give it, and diminishes as you try to keep it for yourself.
In giving it, you will accumulate a deposit of joy greater than you
ever believed possible.

How you think about a problem is more important than the problem itself -
so always think positively.

Go at life with abandon; give it all you've got.
And life will give all it has to you.

Norman Vincent Peale

Some Great Stories

Five Lessons About The Way We Treat People

First Important Lesson - Cleaning Lady...

During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions until I read the last one: "What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?"

Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50's, but how would I know her name? I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade. "Absolutely," said the professor, "In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say hello."

I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.

Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain...

One night, at 11:30 P.M., an older African American Woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rain storm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car. A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960's. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxicab.

She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home.

A special note was attached. It read: "Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's' bedside just before he passed away... God Bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others. Sincerely, Mrs. Nat King Cole"

Third Important Lesson - Always remember those who serve...

In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him.

"How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked.

"Fifty cents," replied the waitress.

The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it. "Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired.

By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient. "Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied.

The little boy again counted his coins. "I'll have the plain ice cream," he said.

The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies. You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.

Fourth Important Lesson - The obstacle in Our Path...

In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock.

Some of the King's' wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way.

Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand! Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.

Fifth Important Lesson - Giving When It Counts...

Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare & serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister.

I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, "Yes I'll do it if it will save her." As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheek. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away."

Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her.

I couldn't keep my balance

Liss, listen to me, "Sometimes to lose balance for love is part of living balanced life."
In the end i came to believe in something called the "Physics of the Quest".

A force in nature governed by laws as real as the laws of gravity. The rule of Quest Physics goes something like this. If you're brave enought to leave behind everything familiar and comforting which can be anything from you house to bitter, old resentments and set out on a truth-seeking journey, either externally or internally, and if you truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue, and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher, and if you prepared most of all and forgive some very difficult realities about yourself then the truth will not be withheld from you.

Now I understand why this show is call Eat, Pray, Love.. It's sequential!

Even smile in Liver! =)

Pple in Bali understand, in order to stay happy, they must always know where you are every moment. Right here is perfect balance. Right at meeting of heaven and earth. Not too much God, not too much selfish. Otherwise, life too crazy, you lose balance, you lose power. In morning, you do meditation from India. Serious, very serious. In day, you enjoy Bali. Then in Afternoon, come see me. End of day, you do new meditation, very simple. Sit in silence and smile. Smile with face, smile with mind, even smile in liver.
See you later, alligator!

Eat Pray Love

But a friend took me to the most amazing place the other day, it's call the Augusteum. Octavian Ausgustus built it to house his remains. When the barbarians came, they trashed it alone with everything else. The great Augustus, Rome's first true great emperor how could he have imagined that Rome, the whole world, as fas as he was concerned, would be in ruins?

It's one of the quietest and loneliest places in Rome, the city has grown up around it over centuries. It feels like a precious wound, like a heartbreak you won't let go of because it hurts too good.

We all want things to stay the same, settle for living in misery because we are afraid of change, of things crumling to ruins. Then I looked around in this place, at the chaos it has endured, the way it's been adapted, burned, pillaged then found a way to build itself back up again, and I was reassured.
Maybe my life hasn't been so chaotic. It's just the world that is and the only real trap is getting attached to any of it.

Ruin is a gift, ruin is the route to transformation.

Even in this eternal city, the Augusteum showed me that we must always be prepared for endless waves of transformation.

Thanks Mr Sim

Mr Sim,

Thanks for this wonderful one week.
I am sorry for overstaying and infringing to ur private time.
This is the most beautiful week of my life, and from the bottom of my heart, i wana say thank you to you for everything that you've gave me.

Love,
Sindy

来越南之前， 没想到会在一个Gay Pub 渡过了我的Friday Nite

Ytd was a significant day?
Realised that he had a gf once ever.. after he started working.. But it didn't last a few mths cos he cannot stand being tied down. 好羡慕那位曾经拥有过他的女生。
So what happened ytd?
I just Nua all the way till late noon when I received his email asking me the schedule for the day. Actually all i wanted was to nua at his place until he return, but as he said that he wanted the wafer thing, i took the cab down to Saigon Tax Centre to shop for shihui so that I can buy the wafer thing for him.
Since he said in this email that he'll be back by 615, i quickly returned at 6 so that I'll be in time to be at his place to welcome him back..

Anniway, thereafter, we walked to Sofitel and it's really sad that he kept pushing me away as we were crossing the road. It's as thou he doesn't want to be near me.
And when we reached Sofitel, we didn't talk much as well. =(
Oh Yah, he mentioned that him and Max were suaning each other the entire day, but didn't mentioned much what it is, and I can only guess that Max, being the new age sensitive gay, can definitely feel what I feel towards Mr Sim. And Mr Sim definitely doesn't want any unwanted 桃花in his life. Especially from someone who doesn't fit into the type of person he wants as his partner.
At the French Restaurant, i sat opposite him and i was so glad that he and Max were talking the entire nite and I can just continue to just glance at him while he speaks, how good he looks and how animated his expression was.. It's a wonderful memory! =)
He ordered the Carpaccio which i don't like, and I ordered the goose liver for him to eat. I had the salmon which he doesn't understand why we are having Salmon in a french restaurant, while he had the most impressive lamb shank ever.
Thou 我是格格不入between him and Max with the rapid conversation that I can't really understand most of the time, and 傻笑to cover my ignorance, i dun really mind cos it makes me just so happie to be looking at him.
Realised, just like doing an FF, he has a certain pre fixed question to ask to get the conversation started. For eg, So, share more with me about your travel plans for this year. Or So, who do you like/ don't like in our company/ cohort..
And Max asked me a very interesting question. So Sindy, "Are you single?" I answered "Yes". And Max just automatically assumed that "Oh, you're an independent lady." Actually, i really wanted to answer: "I haven't found someone i like enough to want to spend the rest of my life with." And the actual answer in the bottom of my heart is:" I'm very attached to one particular person for the past 4 years, and I am still waiting for him." But sadly, i cannot bring myself to say that out.
After the meal, we walked down to the river side to have a look upon my request, and went back to Dong Khoi street area to the Q bar that Max wana to go. Along the way, I was really proud to inform Max that on the first day that I arrived at HCMC, I told Mr Sim that my Direction sense is quite strong, and he allowed me to lead the road home. And Mr Sim said that "Yah, that's why after that, i allowed you to go out by urself." Thanks Mr Sim, for being such a wonderful friend.

I guess God really loves me very very much. He planned all these for me. First the early release, ensuring that I've got stuffs to do here by arranging for Melvin to share with me his entire movie downloads, and now, planning Max here for me to open up my heart. More miraculously, on Thursday Nite, when Khang dropped me off at the Highland coffee at his coffee, after sitting for a while, I decided to go to the toilet to wash up and as the Highland coffee lady opened the door for me to step over to the lobby toilet, he appeared from the side.. It reminded me so strongly of Jon’s incident! And It happened again! God, may I know what is the signal that you are giving me? To pursue with all that I am, or that this will end up nowhere? I really have no idea.. =(

At Q bar, Max helped me ask a question to him. So when was ur last gf? I’ve always thot he has been single all his life, and when he said that it happened a really really long long time before, I was actually quite surprised! He had never shared that he has a gf before! When Max went to the toilet, I asked him further why he had never mentioned that he has a gf, and all he answered was that it was never confirmed for him and that’s why he had never informed any of us. And he said that we’ve never asked him before! Well, I’m gonna grill him later if I got the chance… I just hope that I have enough energy and is alert enough to do so cos I’m really really tired now.

I can really FEEL for Max when he started sharing about his story on his partner, and how he feels about him, and the qualities that his partner has which deeply attracted him. Do you know that this is exactly the same way I feel about you too? In my eyes, you're the smartest person I know. Everything you say is like literature to me. Your eyes, your smile, and your niceness, untidiness, bluntness, and rudeness to everyone. You're everything I wish to be.

I love it the way you scared me ytd nite when you plonk down besides me after taking a walk with Max, where you sit real close to me and when i turned over to look at the same area as you and you suddenly turned, and we were physically so close, the feeling was so wonderful for me.

I'm also sorry, sorry that I'm using the living room now such that you refuse to come out of the bedroom so that you can have your personal time missing the lady you missed. I'm sorry for ytd nite, when I barged into your personal time. I didn't realised you were hinting me to stay in the living room to wait for my hair to dry up while you will stay in the bedroom. At least, this morning, i decided to wake up early to let you have your personal space in the bedroom. I'm sorry for the snoring i made at nite that kept you up all nite too.

The most beauiful week of my life..

最放纵自己的一个星期。。
all this started when i was informed that i'll be early release from my resignation.
Slightly offended and wondering what to do for this 2 weeks, decided to travel, rest and spend some time with myself...
had actually wanted to come find Mr Sim in March only.. but with this 2 weeks break before CNY, so sent him this sms to check if he's available.
Thankfully he is.. so i imm bought the airtics and came over.. rather implusive.. and very selfish of me to invade and intrude on his privacy for the past week..
He's really the best person i know.. always so nice, considerate, accomodating and honest.. so bless to know him..

First day- Sunday
I can still remember, after touching down, stepping out of the airport, and saw him at the side holding the "Ms Sindy Lye, International Famous Singer" printout for me. That was so nice of him. He was wearing his blue top with yellow prints and his jeans, and when i met up with him, he passed the printout for me to keep and helped me pull my luggage and lead me to the departure hall to catch a cab.
Sitting on the cab besides him, i shared more with him on the reason why I decided to spend such a long time at HCMC. To retaliate to the company that I can easily make plans even if the mgt doesn't want me. When we reached his place, he introduced me to his security guard and show me his place. It's a beautiful apartment and now i'm seated here in the living room looking at every part of his place.
The TC in front of me, the aircon on top, the beautiful lap above me and the side platform where he leaves all his barangs around. The munchies he leaves under his table and his creams on the table.
After 2 hours of awkward silence and trying to get use of each other presence, he brought me around to Dong Khoi Street to get my bearings.
As we walked down the street, he pointed out that this street is call Mac Dinh Chi street, and we walked by the UK embassy and thereafter, past Intercontinental hotel and finally past Vincom and Parkson to reach Dong Khoi Street. We shopped around and he showed me the bag he bought for his mum, and he keeps telling me to purchase one of the other bags. After that we walked to the refinary for dinner. He ordered those Veitnamese popiah and he wrapped one for me! I'm so blessed to eat something he wrapped for me. Then it's back to his place where i attempted to lead the way home cos i told him that my sense of direction is good.. and he really tested me.. So typical of him! He's really someone without much emotion. But I'm really proud of myself in being able to find my way back without his assistance! We stopped by the Citimart at Somerset Chanchellor but dind't buy anything much.
When we reached his place, it's rather awkward cos it's the first nite together. He said that he will take the air mattress but after sleeping for a while, i realised that it must be very uncomfortable for him cos the bed keeps making squeeky noise!
But i'm glad that I'm on the bed cos i can legitimately look at him sleep without him knowing! 好幸福好幸福！

Day 2- Monday
I was waken up by his squeeky bed.. So i just lied on the bed and looking at him sleep in the dark and thinking this must be the best thing that have ever happened to me! Being able to be in the same room with him.
I really couldn't sleep much, so when he woke up, i pretended to be asleep and wanted to observe what he'll do.. Sadly, he just stand up and walked out of the room.. =( Not even a glance at my direction.
I went out within 5 mins and sat at the living room watchin him prepare for work.
It's a good domestic feeling! seeing him brush his teet and getting the coffee ready for his day feels so good. It's as thou we are living together like that. 好开心.
So when he left for the day, i really have nothing much to do! So i nua for a while in the living room and wanted to start blogging or reading but was unfortunately, turned out cos fumigation needs to be done.
And so I went to the highland coffee near his place and got myself a seat near the door. It was great discovering that Wifi is provided there, and did some work there. Also dropped him an email to ask him about the arrangements for the day.
When the laptop batts died off, i returned to the apartment to drop my stuffs and went down to Dong Khoi and had my massage. Along the way, i went into every boutique i can find hopeing that i can find a dress to wear but couldn't find any.
At the later part of the day, i finally received a call from him which got cut due to poor reception. Sadly, he didn't tried calling again and i have to call him. SO it was 7 pm at his office and i got a surprise when i realised that I'll be eating with his colleagues from HK office. We went to this resturant near Ben Than and brought his friends around its nite market. Nth much happen after that.. we just head back home and he went off to sleep. Not much conversation.. and that started the moment when i really feel like returning back to SG early for imposing so much onto him.

Day 3- Tuesday
This should be the worst day. I woke up even earlier cos my heart guilts whenever his mattress squeeks. I ended seated in front of the tv doing nth much and when he woke up, i started complaining to him that I've got nothing much to do and he made a remark which makes me reflect my actions. He said, " Sindy ah, it's you who want to come here one, cannot complain one" in a rather stern voice.. And I realised, i'm really imposing him on so much and I am

已经很明显了。。 难道你还要装疯卖傻吗？

My wish is that you will always be happie..
am i giving up hope? i do not know

mebbe my feelings towards you has mellowed?

i love the feeling that we are sleeping together in this small bedroom.
i love the feeling when you woke me up today
i love the feeling of seeing you the moment i open my eyes
i love your voice.. and everthing everything about you
i love that you don't mind sleeping on the bed in order to make me feel better
i love to see you walking off to work from ur apt's window

you'll always be so wonderfully precious to me..

and of yah.. thanks for cooking for me ytd nite.. i'm sorry for telling you that you need to put more pepper and to marinate the meat longer..actually, as long as i get to taste ur cooking, or to ever eat something you cook, i'm already veri veri bless and happie.. i don't even mind dying a few years earlier... realli

and also.. remember that i mentioned, never marry the one you can live with, marry the one you can't live without.. while i was walking along the khao san street ytd, i decided.. you're someone i can't live without...
cos i rather be alone then to be without you..
cos i rather you find someone else, then lose this ability to stay by your side as a good friend.
cos i rather suffer from this pain in my heart then to lose you totally

真的真的好喜欢你。。

My 2011

Designing my whole new life..

What should be the focus for 2011

1) Top priority
- Building back my business.
I want to update my client list.
By March 2011, to go update my current client list and update in my inbox. That should be the easiest.
I also want to start archiving my emails as well.
I will be calling my existing clients, pending followup and previous referrals and Andrew's clients to arange for appt.
To go back to working daily until I achieve a monthly income of $5,000.
Thereafter, from there onwards, i'll be looking at 4 days week, depending on which day to accompany mum.

My aim is to hit 300 clients first.. let me hit this 300 clients and we'll talk about the rest thereafter. In order to hit my 300 clients, first, i need to have an idea of how many clients do i have. I shall go back to SG to do this. I'll do it in SG if i'm too bored here at HCMC.

My CFP.. Lemme take it during the second sem.. the Oct batch.. so that I have time to study them.

Other than the 2 above.. which are priorities, i think the rest will be focused more on grooming myself.

I want to slim down!
I've been saying this for the past 10 plus year.. but i failed in the self discipline part..
Can i do it? for current self, for my future self?
Can i stick with the TRA system for 3 months w/o giving up?
Can i do it just like Jessica, just take it as BFC?
Can I please slim down? Just to 50 KG is fine.. i'll be veri veri veri happie already.
I need to eat healthier.. Less rice, more veggie and fruits. I also want to cut down on my meat intake, and drink more water.
aim to consume only half of whatever is serve to me.
consume less fried and fattenin stuffs.


i want to drink more collagen
I will drink collagen daily to boost my skin and the stuffs within my body.
I wana try the GNC collagen that Gejun recommended. $90 for those few bottles.. will it be worth it? Can i like drink it at the beginning of each month? for 8 days straight? what will happen to me if i do that?
Can I try? Should I proceed to do facial? or shall i retain what I have on my face?
Can I promise myself to give myself a more decent person when i hit the big 30?

I will start putting on makeup daily
I need to look more presentable.. and I do need to use up those makeup in the boxes. Can i just throw most of them away instead?
What's my daily essential?
1) BB Cream from Maybeline
2) Clip my eye lashes
3) Some eyeshadow
4) My eyeliner occasionally


I want to do sth to my eyelines and dark circle!
Putting on an eye cream daily


I want to build back my assets
I need to understand the difference between liabilities and assests. Learn how to save and pay others thereafter.
I want to build back my insurance portfolio
I want to know more about real estate investment
I want to continue to save for my insurance, IFS and iFast
I want to build back my assets to before i purchase this apartment

对不起Mr Sim..

I'm sorry for taking up ur bed.. sorry for snoring and keeping you awake.. i was so scared that I didn't dare to sleep till late...
I'm really sorry for doing all these.. really sorry for imposing on you.. very sorry..

Jan 16

First day of my new life as a FC again..
How does it feels like?
Liberated? happy? scared? I've got no idea..
Cos was too looking forward to having my own 24 hours..
It will still take some time to take use to not checking my watch and hp for the time.. cos knowing that no one in this world is expecting me at all..
No one... mebbe except for Mr Sim.. will know whether if I'm dead or alive in the coming 10 days.. It feels great!
Mr Sim's apartment looks good, really envy him for staying there.. and here i am, thinking where i need to go when it's only 10.30 in the morning...

So what happened ytd?
after seeing him at the airport, he brought me back to his place and we nua there for about 2 hours before he brought me around to explore the place..
i'm so proud of myself.. having figured out how to navigate my way around his place..
and thereafter, when we reached his place and the security guard was asking him if i'm his gf/ wife, all he replied was friend... yup.. i'm nothing more but a friend to him... he'll always be a very precious friend to me..

been thinking about this recently.. Never marry the one you can live with, marry the one you cannot live without.. I'm not sure if i can live with him..
can I live without him? I know he's impt enoff to me that I have not been considering annione else for the past few years.. everytime someone comes close, i'll start displaying his pictures or claims that I'm attached.. (which is the truth cos i'm really emotionally attached to him very much..) but still, i do not dare let him know about it and dun wish to move on.. stuck in this limbo for the past 3 plus years.. i'm crazy le...so can I live without him? i know i will still remain alive should he, one day, be no longer on earth.. I'm not sure if i will open up on my BGR part if this happens, or will i 守活寡 from then on until he becomes a distant memory..

Dear Tze Vin,
I only know that you are very very very important to me.. I am very thankful for the day that you stepped into my life.. I can still remember the day that i first saw you. I really hope that one day, i can become someone who's part of your life. you're the best thing that've ever happen to me..

Dear God..
I pray that this feeling will be reciprocate one day.

Blood Type Comics!

Merry Xmas Mr Sim

很想很想你 Mr Sim. Hope you'll have a very enjoyable Xmas. Wishing you and all ur love ones health, joy, peace and love for 2011. Praying for you and loving you...